I wasn't sure where to put this now we don't have a premium section but I guess it's a "life issue"...

I have a problem. I find that if I have to go more than a few days without sex I get moody, irritable, weepy and generally deeply miserable.

When my husband was away I used to be able to totally switch my sex drive off. As soon as he left the apartment I just stopped thinking about it, concentrated on work, friends, other things and it didn't bother me - although I was always VERY pleased to see him when he got home

Now he is living with me all the time, if we go for even a few days without sleeping together I feel awful. Truly awful. I can't concentrate, I feel angry, anxious and frustrated - to the point where I have sex dreams when I sleep. I lie next to my husband at night feeling a tightness akin to a panic attack while he sleeps and I seethe. And seriously this is after only 4 or 5 days.

I have always been like this. But I think the emotional issues I have with it have been majorly exacerbated by a long term relationship I had in my 20s where the sex was virtually non-existent.

My last boyfriend was REALLY good at spotting the signs and heading it off early before it became a PITA by jumping me and all was happy again. My husband does not do this. He knows I'm starting to get twitchy about it but he will still make no effort to "solve" the issue...

I know everyone is going to say "why don't you initaite". Well I usually do initiate sex more often than my husband anyway (which is another niggle I have but anyway...) but by the time it has got to a few days without sex I'm feeling very emotionally vulnerable and I am terrified of the emotional fallout of a rejection.

The fact that he knows I am feeling frustrated but doesn't want to initiate sex makes things a million times worse because I then feel rejected - he KNOWS I want sex but will simply get into bed, yawn and promptly fall asleep. So not only do I feel unbelieveably frustrated I also feel rejected and MAD. I mean to the point where I feel like I hate him and I have to get up and go downstairs and cry.

He isn't working so he can't be that tired. The only thing I need to keep me happy and laid back is sex - often. I honestly don't get angry about things, I am easy going, undemanding, he can do whatever he likes, I don't try to control him or ask him to do anything else for me at all. ALL I want is frequent sex. Is that too much to ask? Is that unreasonable?

Now I feel bad - like I am treating him like some kind of gigolo - but its not just any sex - I need sex with him, to make me feel close to him and loved and desired.

This cannot be normal surely? Does anyone else get like this or do I need therapy?!

So I haven't been on here lately...main reason are 1- change in job, added responsibility with that...including (and I am NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS!!!) 3 to 5 meetings a day.  It has gotten to a point that if I don't schedule my own lunch in my calender it fills up FAST!!  And then I look at the clock and it is 6.  2- 4 weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy.  We found out Friday the 25th at 8 PM that I was scheduled for surgery on Wed the 29th.  The dr went in to surgery not really knowing what to expect when he got in there.  This is my same OB/GYN that I have had for 9 years, had 2 laporscopy (sp?) with him, as well as 1 c-section and my abalsion (sp?) with, he came out of surgery went in to see my husband and informed him that the surgery went well.  He found that the reason that my abalsion failed and I kept having hemorrhaging episodes is because my uterus is the size of a football.  Normally it is the size of a fist.  Both ovaries were removed and extremely swollen.  The next morning when he came to see me, he also told us that had we waited even another month, it would have probably become life or death!!  Not good!
3- Marriage issues - I won't go into this AT ALL! 
4- Work again, Crushy's building....yeah the whole 4 floor building is being moved over the next 4 weeks..  Because of this, I have even more piled on my plate!  I had to go back to work after TWO weeks recovery because my backup had to leave for cancer treatment, and they really needed me back the week before he left.  Said backup is still out, they had to stop treatment because his only kidney shut down.  So basically, he is out of options.  The drs have tried every treatment for his cancer now.   
5- Kids!!!  So my oldest turned 14 two weeks ago, YIKES!!  My 10 year olds eyes are VERY bad again.  2 yr old is well going through terrible twos!!

So here is how my day went today and why I really need prayers....
I got up and went to work, was in between my 2 and 3 meetings and got a txt from husband "T and S (14 and 10) are sick!"  So I call home, what do you mean sick?  Well both have sore throats.  Ok I am ok with that!  I go to 3rd meeting, in the middle I got another txt "I am not feeling good!" from the hubby..he also has said sore throat.  So I go home 15 mins early, had had it!!  Get home, walk in the house and did not even take off my coat, when I am informed my 10 yr has a high temp now, but can't take it cause no batteries.  So I hunt down said batteries, her temp is 101.9.  We don't have anything with a fever reducer in the house, so I run to walmart.  I am there when I call the ex and told him I am not sure he will have them this weekend.  He proceeds to tell me that Dr B's (her arthritis dr) letter says something about what to do for flu, and H1N1, but that (yeah I am mad about this next part) he has already THROWN said letter away so maybe I should find mine and actually read it!  I really wanted to call him all sorts of names, long story for another day!  So I called my husband and had him find ours that I have not seen yet and read it to me...  so he finds it and sure enough in there is what Dr B TELLS us HAS to be done if S comes down with ANYTHING to do with flu!  Right there in black and white, WE HAVE TO PROMPTLY RECEIVE MEDICAL HELP AND SHE MUST BE GIVEN TAMIFLU!  So I start bawling, I am in a drive thru waiting for food, and I am bawling.  So fast forward to me getting home.  We give her some fever reducer and talk a bit about what to do PROMPTLY, and when is that?  We were able for a few mins to get the fever to go down, so I take her to Urgent Care.  Luckily I took the dr letter with her, got in very FAST, showed the dr the letter, the diagnoses of Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis with Uveitis and Iritis, all her medication that she is on, what he said MUST be done, her allergies.  The dr got us out pretty fast as well.  S is now on Tamiflu and Zithromax.  S has been exposed to swine flu, and so forth...  We have not been able to get her flu vaccines because we can't find anywhere that has any!  It is bad, scary!!!  S has NO immune system, her medication stops her immune system because that is attacking her joints.  so for her to get sick fast like this means something BAD!  And then we got to the pharmacy to fill both RX, and my insurance will not pay for the tamiflu, so I paid over $170 in co pays tonight for just her meds.  When we got home, S' temp is back up over 101.  We are hoping it does not hit 103, otherwise she will be hospitalized.   

I am tired, I am stressed, I am dieing inside for my sweet S!  She could use any and all prayers sent her way!  So if you could, PLEASE PLEASE pray for my sweet girlie!

The people in India have had storms and floods

They need your Prayers

The Church that I go to has a bunch of sister Churches in India

The news is bad

Floods/Storms have done a lot of damage to peoples homes like that hurricane did here in the USA

Everybody Pray for them

P.S.

If anyone wants to send them money

All (Most) of the Churchs are sending them Aid

When you are at Church write them a Check with * Aid to India * on it and put it in the Basket at your Local Church
(That will help them in India)

So, my dad just got out of the hospital again.  Sadly, there isn't really much that can be done other than he really does have to quit smoking (and his he cut back to two a day doesn't count). 

I am only greatful that they didn't have to put a cathader directly into his heart again.  I am just kind of at a loss. 

If any of you is willing to send out a prayer, I'd appreciate it.  Maybe pray for stregnth for him to overcome his hurdles...Or stregnth for my mom to get by because she's carrying quite a burden.  Something.  It's been a really difficult week again.

DISCLAIMER: I am not posting this for sympathy, for rude/snide commentary, or to be flamed or otherwise harassed about this.  This has been a life altering experience for me and I'd like not only support, but maybe to give some support to others dealing with something of the like.......So PLEASE if you aren't here for one of those, find some other thread to harass!!

Sad state of affairs when you feel you have to post a disclaimer to have a normal thread.

http://boards.ojar.com/index.php/topic,51201.msg625369.html#msg625369

That is a linky to the update I posted when Ojar came back up.  I'm just referencing it so that y'all have some idea of where this thread is coming from.

About 10 days ago, (for those of you who don’t know me well/or that I don’t talk to IRL) I just got out of the hospital after a week stay. I had been sick for three days (vomiting continuously) and finally had to call the paramedics.  I had a heart rate of 44 and was administered atropine to boost my heart rate during the ride to the hospital.  They took me for that reason to W. Hospital instead of A. Hospital like I told them.  (*note that I wouldn't take a dog to this particular hospital...W I mean)

Well W Hospital released me less than 3 hours later with no special monitoring or tests and with only oral medication to take...........ummmm yeah still barfing guys........  Three days later I had my husband take me to A. hospital because I was still sick as a dog.  (W. Hospital said it was gastritis and a UTI). When I got to A. Hospital they admitted me and lo and behold we found it was bi-lateral kidney stones and a ruptured cyst (both of which can be life threatening).

While there they had me hooked up to heart monitors in ICU and double potassium plus a plethora of other stuff they pumped into me while testing and finding the issue.  I have bruising everywhere from them having to move the IV line 5x because the potassium actually burned me, you could follow the line up my arm/vein. They even attempted an infant size needle to alleviate the issue with no success.  I am 5’10” and left the hospital weighing 125 which is severely underweight for me.

I have since been to see both my regular doc and the GI and next week I see the other consult Doc (who is a LOT like House, lol) but he found the issue that has been missed over the last four and a half years.
All this time they have said it was related to having my gall bladder removed when my son was 5 weeks old (9 ½ years ago).  Turns out we have two separate solvable issues.  I’m relieved at the thought of being totally healthy again.  This has been so hard because in high school I was very athletic and have always been a healthy eater as well as healthy in body and mind. So the effects of all this have really rocked me to the core and made me doubt myself in a lot of ways.

I seem like the one who always has It together, but I just wanted you guys to know that even though it seems great on the outside, there are always things people are dealing with under the surface.  And especially anyone with strength doesn’t always like to feel vulnerable and share things like that…..

The next few months will be very trying for me, and I may be looking at a surgery for part of it. The other part is merely diet change to handle the kidney stone issue.  My GI released me from her care, pending the solving of the other two things.

Here is crossing fingers and hoping that I’ve learned what I needed to and we can get this resolved soon.  Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts.


All there is to do when you are sick/dancing the cusp of death, is think about yourself and your place in this world.  Depending on how the thread plays out, I would really like to be able to share some of what I learned.......

Thanks for taking the time to read.

All weekend long, I've been struggling with mini-panic attacks.  Obsessive thoughts combined with accelerated heart rate, rapid breathing, sleeplessness. 

What keeps them from escalating into full scale panic attacks, which I haven't had in over ten years, is my ability to intervene and say to myself calmly, you are feeling anxious.  Let it go.

While I don't enjoy the obsessive thoughts, or worries about loss of control, I know (hope?) that there is an eventual cathartic benefit to the anxiety.  The last time I had a major panic attack, it did end up being very liberating.  I didn't take medication and I learned how to work with my feelings.

I feel really unsafe.  It's terrifying. 

I took a sedative to help me sleep last night, which I've only done one other time, and I HATE to do that.  I don't want to start taking things to help me sleep, because today I feel somewhat groggy and tremble-y.

My oldest boy had a seizure yesterday at school.  He seems to be doing ok now, but he scared the crap out of everyone, including a cafeteria full of kids.

His bloodwork came back yesterday that is medication levels are too low.  Now we start the process of seeing if we can get the medication levels to where they need to be, or the trial and error of finding a new medication that will work.

I shaved one leg and forgot to shave the other.  I put on foundation, but forgot to put on mascara.

It's the beginning of the end folks. 

I've got one foot in the grave. 

Its getting worse it seems, I can't sleep.  The most I sleep a night is literally about 2 to 3 hrs max.  I take sleeping pills each night, but now even those don't seem to be working.  I am not sure why I am still up tonight, I mean I took 3 pills, and its just doing nothing.  Or maybe I am fighting it, I am not sure whats going on.  I just know I would love to get a good full nights rest for once.  I did get one of those while on vacation last week, but only one.  There was one night where I didnt even go to sleep, just sat out on the balcony and listened to waves, but I dont have that here in the real world.  Oh well, I guess I just got to deal until I can get rest one day. 

I had a dream I bought carrots at the grocery store last night.  I looked it up and carrots in a dream means that an unexpected legacy or windfall is in store for me.

But what do you think it means if they were baby carrots? 


(Maybe I'll find a penny lying in the parking lot on the way to my truck.)

A friend recently discovered that the health issues she was having were caused by Cymbalta. 

I went two days ago to get some bloodwork done as a preventive thing ... check my cholesterol and just other basic stuff, not because I was experiencing any symptoms.  My gyn requested it for me as I have no primary physician since I'm very rarely sick.

The gyn office called this morning because they got the results and I need to see a hematologist because my hemoglobin and iron levels are extremely low.  She said something about an iron level of 9 and a hemoglobin of 13 I think.  The normal iron level should be over 13 and the hemoglobin should be over 41.... I hope I got those numbers right as I was a little rattled when I got the call. 

I asked her if this is something I should be concerned about above thinking I need to start taking a One A Day or something and she said I needed to get it checked fairly soon as "other" levels were low also but of course couldn't go into much detail about these "other" levels.

I have an appt. scheduled for Friday morning and I'm trying not to worry as I've always been borderline anemic and have never had it be a problem.  Granted, I bruise easily and I do get light headed periodically but other than that I've always prided myself on being one of those people that never breaks bones, never gets sick, never has an issue, never takes medicine.  I even run three miles a day and drink protein shakes ... so what the heck?!

Anybody have any experience with this?