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Dealing With Divorce Recovery Time – Stages Of Recovery

By on December 13, 2009

There is something important you need to remember and understand about divorce recovery time and dealing with the grief and loss from your divorce, that is you must follow your own timetable. Too many times you will hear people suggesting that you, “snap out of it!”.

Everyone is different. We all recover at our own rate. There is seldom a fast recovery from divorce as well all deal with the loss differently.

I remember being told by a close family friend that I should be able to get over this sort of thing “within a few weeks”, after all, I was young, good looking and strong.

I didn’t have the heart to tell this well meaning individual that the three attributes ascribed to me were in fact completely independent of my getting better.

I also remember looking for signs, clues that my rate of recovery had accelerated. You know, things like I hadn’t thought about my ex for at least half an hour. Occasionally I would feel exhilaration as I got out of bed. I took this feeling of unexplained exhilaration to mean was a clear sign that I had recovered.

You see recovering from divorce is not like overcoming some disease where there are no side effect. Divorce does change you and the rate at which you recover is really a function of how much and fast you have evolved and changed as a person.

I remember being told that you would experience, denial, grief, anger and a shopping list of other emotions. Of course little did I realize you could go backward and forward through the list. I was silly enough to think that once you had finished with one emotion, say grief you could just as easily slip back into denial then back into grief.

Recovery from divorce is about learning to deal with what has happened to you.

During the recovery process recovery is learning to deal with the shock day by day, hour by hour. Things do get better. There will be a time as you recover in the future where the pain starts to recede as you let go of the anger and the toxic emotions that hit you when your divorce began.

There will always be a time when you have a moment of weakness and suddenly you feel nostalgic for the past. You remember something you did together as a couple and you wish those times had never ended. It could be a smell, a sound, an expression that sets you back. This is normal!

Recovery is learning to deal with the feelings so that they no longer overwhelm you. Recovery is learning where to place these feelings and how to judge them in context such that they are no longer something of your everyday life.

While you are still fresh from the wounds of your marriage ending you are not in a position to judge where you are with respect to your recovery. Remain confident that while you are working on recovering you are making progress.

Consider this an unpleasant journey of discovery. Like all journeys of discovery there are often going to be paths that set you back.

1) Use this time to discover something more about yourself and how your marriage ended.

2) Try not to judge your progress against that of others.

3) Your pain is yours alone.

4) Your recovery is yours alone.

Your need to think back from time to time to remember the happy memories is yours alone.

Do not let anyone rush you. You need your own need to grieve!

From the author of the nocontactrule.com

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