The long walk through the morning gloom from the parking garage to the inner city hospital, lugging my bag and lunch and coffee and chatting on the phone with my husband culminated in fishing for my keys outside my office.

Finally find said keys in my bag and unlock the door to be greeted by the usual blast of hot air. (It's unbearable most days)  I flick on the light and sigh.  Another day to face with a lack of energy so profound, so crippling.....

Unlock my file cabinet and place the laptop on the desk.  Boot it up and open Outlook.

The very first message in my inbox reads this way:


Hi Hun,
 
I've been meaning to do this for a while. I think it is very important for you to know how much I love you and appreciate you and what you do for our family. You have a very compassionate heart and your family is very fortunate to have you in our lives. When I texted you this afternoon and told you that you are the popular girl at home, I really did mean that. When you aren't there it seems as though a part of us is missing. We are always anxiously awaiting your return and it's as though we collectively let out a big sigh when you arrive.
 
When I first met you I liked a few things about you, your honesty, intelligence, sense of humour and of course your good looks. That attracted me and as I got to know you that initial attraction became a desire to know more about you.  The cool thing is, the more I learn about you, the more I want to know and the more I know the more I love you. I like that!
 
I love that you have taken my family as your own. Right from my kids to my parents and brother and now our grandson. The best part is that you've done that even though there have sometimes been difficulties. Thank you for that.
 
I love how confident you are in a room full of people. You always seem to be able to make everyone there feel like you came just to see them and yet not forget those who came with you. Your confidence is sexy! When I say I'm proud of you it's not just the way you are in a crowd, it's also the way you look in a crowd. Not just your physical beauty but the way you carry yourself. You are a gorgeous woman,Sweetie, a real classic beauty! My friends see that I am a lucky man and I couldn't agree more. You make me proud.
 
You are the one that keeps our house going. From looking after the finances, to the laundry and housework to social engagements and holidays. You do a great job Babe, and I  appreciate what you do. You take great care of us.
 
You are just an amazing woman and we are all blessed to have you in our lives. I would be blessed just to know you….to be married to you…well I feel like the luckiest man in the world!
 
 
Your lover,

Did I marry the right man or what?  I'm so thankful.   

I was complaining to one of my gal pals about what has been going on and she decided to set me up with one of her husband's single friends. We are all going on a double date tonight.  She promised it will be casual and that there will be no pressure from him for a physical relationship immediately.  She had very nice things to say about him and she showed me a picture and he is quite handsome.

Do you think it's too soon?

This isn't so much a today thing as it is an every day thing.....

I have finally found my happy spot!!! I get up daily and look forward to what comes next instead of what crap is going to be dealt my way.....

My kids are happy and they now have a happy mommy and that feels good..... I am finally becoming the example for them I have always wanted to be.

I also have someone who makes a very positive impact on my life and although its new and slow I am enjoying it in the moment and open to the possibilities of what may come from it. I am really happy I took the time to really be ready for what comes my way instead of just taking a swing at anything and everything.


This just feels right!!!

I took the kids to the Moscow Circus last night.  The show was amazing!!!!!!

B had issues before the show started, and during intermission, but I had just as much fun watching his face as the performers on stage.  The best part for me was that all three kids were entertained and had a good time together.

  I woke up. 

Got a gig doing contract work for the local school systems middle school band.  I am a flutist and music teacher and I will be working with the flute sections.   It doesn't pay much, but I need every penny I can earn and it is something I really like doing.  I will probably teach twice a week.
I texted my BF to tell him the news and he immediately called me to congratulate me.  He's really supportive. (Such a switch from the ex!)
I start tomorrow, wish me luck!!!

I lost my wallet yesterday.  I must have dropped it right after paying for goods at Target.  I stepped over to the little food court for a mini pizza and that's when I realized I didn't have it.  I was without it for only 2 minutes tops and then I heard my name on the store speakers.  "Will a Mr. Forgetfull Dumb Ass please report to register 21".  It all happened so quick and it could have been  so bad.  Who ever found it was gone by the time I walked from the food court Pizza Hut back to the register.  Thanks who ever you are.

My teacher certification arrived today!  I have to take two test in the coming year for a professional certificate, but I fell like I actually accomplished something.  My BF paid for the records check ($177.00  I didn't have) as a Christmas gift.   I cannot imagine living the way I did for the last 15 years again, the last four months have been good.  I finally feel like I can stand on my own, and am thankful for my boyfriend, who is incredibly supportive and who believes in me, (something the ex NEVER did).  I also completed the major renovations on my living room ( i knocked out a wall by myself) too!   2010 is going to be my year, and I plan on making the best of it!
AND Valentines day was GREAT too!!!!!

So, I managed to make it to Texas this past weekend to see Phyx for the first time in six weeks. We went to a superbowl party at some friends of his that he's known since high school. It was fun, and I got to hear a lot of embarrasing stories of his wild youth (THUMPER!!!  ). Anyway, this group of friends is also very musically talented. As I found out that night, so is Phyx. They started a acoustical jam session, and the man can sing. Not just carry a tune sing, but professional level make you weep sing. 

They played for about an hour, and it was like I was seeing him for the first time again. I had no idea he could do that, and I've known him over two years now. Two of the songs they played really shined, though...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7KliFJQaM4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs

I suck at romantic pillow talk.  But maybe I can make up for it by focussing on food?  I can talk about food all night long.

Warm moist and firm to the touch.  Covered with creamy sauce flowing in and around every curve.  Hmmm .. ahhh.. so torturous on my tongue.  More.. gawd more.

I'm not very religious, but I do love Christmastime. It occurred to me today that my old boyfriend and I have never had a happy Christmas together. We were together for 2 years, and both years we had fought right before the holidays and didn't really speak much until New Years. Although all the other happy memories of our relationship are torturing me right now, AT LEAST I can take comfort in the fact that Christmas will never remind me of him. That thought made me do a little dance today.

I went out today with a female friend of mine which we both thought it was two friends going out for dinner but I knew that we both felt more for each other but we are taking things slow!  I like her I think she is a wonderful woman! I dont know where it is going but like where its at right now!  I just wanted to share with my ojar friends!