Do you live in an “as is” or “should be” world?
Hi,
As you can imagine I get a lot of emails from people on the
Internet. While I am happy to get feedback there are just not
enough hours in the day for me to reply to each individually.
A common theme struck me this week as I reviewed some of the emails
I had received.
Some people agreed with what I had said but there were a few that
felt, “Michael you might be right BUT…”
Unless I am mistaken, the BUT all but ignores anything I have just
stated so I am going to call this post, are you living in a “should
be” or a “as is” world?
It goes something like this…
On most issues of importance the world can be divided basically in
those that strongly see things how they are or how they should be.
Let me share an example.
As many of you know I publish a report called, “Get Over Your Ex”.
It is about 50 pages and sets out a series of 21-steps that I
regard essential to overcoming heartache.
It can be found here,
http://nocontactrule.com/
Now these steps are based on my own observations and for hundreds
of people the steps have helped enormously. I frequently get emails
thanking me for the product.
But then there are those that have never read the product that
write, “if you have something helpful then you should be giving it
away without charge”. Their argument is essentially information
should never have a cost and more importantly the Internet is a
no-cost environment. In other words, they argue their position from a
perspective of the way the world “should be”.
The “as is” people know that time taken to create something should
be rewarded. They also know that “you get what you pay for” and if
the item were given away it would probably never be read.
Now I know this is a simple example but this also happens in
relationships. An example from the emails I get is, “my partner
treats me very badly but he/she LOVES me”. They then ask in the
email, what should I do?
If you live in the world of, “as is” the answer is obvious and it
requires no answer from me.
However, if you live in the world of “should be” then you’re
probably thinking, love conquers all and it is only time before
this nasty person comes to their senses and starts treating you the
way they are SUPPOSED to treat you.
See the difference?
I won’t labor the point but next time you confront someone
complaining about a situation (this includes yourself) ask
yourself, is this person living in the world of “as is” or “should
be”.
Talk soon,
Michael.
blog: http://ojar.com/news/
web: http://ojar.com
Isn’t it OUR fault?
Hi ,
I just spent the last few days at a business conference in Texas. If you’ve ever spent much time at a business conference you will know that part of the time you spend is time spent networking. Meeting other people in your industry, swapping stories and learning what works and what doesn’t work.
What amazed me was the way that each person dealt differently with success and failure. Of course, success in business is always envied and studied but somehow it seems at least to me that failure isn’t. This got me thinking about relationships.
Why do we spend so much time trying to get into a relationship when so many of us don’t even take the time to give ourselves a short kick in the behind for repeating the mistakes we just made ‘last time around’?
In business as in relationships we all have mental blueprints or to put it another way, “a way of doing things”.
If you have the desire to make changes in your life you have to first admit that what doesn’t work is your fault.
Yes, I said it.
If it didn’t work it was your fault.
Now I know there will be those that say, “but my situation is different”.
But, unless you take responsibility for what happens and really question yourself were their clues before things went bad, or were there things you could do differently do you have the potential to ever change things?
I personally doubt it.
I met several business people that complained that their business went bad because of the morons they hired.
Hmmm… who hired them?
Then I heard from some people at this conference that told me that dated and married someone was dishonest and it didn’t work out.
Hmm… were there big red flags?
I think it is time for us to stop blaming everyone else when things don’t work out.
It’s time to take responsibility.
What do you think?
You can discuss this topic here.
Till next time, Michael.
P.s. For those that are tired of hurting, see my report about getting over your Ex here,
