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The OJar ‘Paradox’

By on March 13, 2007

Let me start by saying that using this blog is helpful for me because it will be used to create the slides needed for the first conference call. In this post I will describe the problem which I call the ‘OJar Paradox’.

Stated in the most simple of terms, “those that need help the most cannot effectively contribute to OJar and those that have benefited from OJar usually leave the site.”

So what does this mean?

Well, when someone finds that they do not need they site I usually get a polite and friendly email that says, “thanks for your help, I don’t need the site anymore, Bye”.

In general this is terrific news but on the other hand these are exactly the people that can help the most.

Do I understand their position? Absolutely!

Anyone that has gone through a traumatic relationship change wants very little to remind them of what has taken place. Of course, this is a generalization and there are those that build extremely intimate relationships that continue to visit the site and move ‘down the boards’. But for a large majority, 6 – 12 months after posting heavily on the site they are gone, forever.

I have known about this ‘paradox’ for several years now and I suspect this has a lot to do with the inability of other sites to clone this site. It takes a steady stream of ‘newbies’ to keep this site active as there is a natural attrition and most clone sites don’t have the volume of traffic to gain momentum.

For many site visitors OJar is a natural method of journaling their emotional growth and/or changes. Also, as new people visit the site they benefit from the enormous number of existing posts to which they can relate. In other words, the stories posted at the top of the board often have a familiar ring and only the characters change.

So, let’s bring all these thoughts together and summarize.

1. OJar needs to find a way to broaden its audience and keep those that have moved beyond their emotional upheaval – this is essential for future growth.

2. OJar must also offer something that resolves the current ‘OJar Paradox’.

3. Those that choose to take an active role in OJar’s future must have an interest beyond the sites original mission of dealing with a relationships demise.

— Michael.


  1. peaceandquiet

    March 15, 2007 at 7:57 pm

    I’ve been thinking alot about this site for the past several days…. It seems without the close eye of someone watching over it it has just become a stomping ground for people slinging s$it.. sorry to say.. it is not even the old ojar.. that when things got out of control.. people would step in and get control.. now it just seems a rapant running ground for those who have nothing postive to say on divorce.. people that are not here to help but just to hear themselves post. If you look at who is trying to help those that really need help.. you see very bad advise being given.. and those that do care don’t want to post because some idiot is gonna post behind them with some dumbass post that has nothing to do with the post. I’m sorry Michael that it has come down to this.. but this doesn’t even rival the days of old when the clic’s were around.. at least in those days those people cared and offered good advise. The current trash being posted on the boards is just that..trash. If there is no one to look over what is going on.. then I would say shut it down. I think more people are getting turned away from the site… I don’t think it is helping anymore.. it has become a mag in the grocery store line that you read the cover but never buy. If you want people to pay for services on this site.. I think there needs to be some supervision. There was a day when posts were made that were off topic or out of context they were deleted. If a poster was crude.. they were gone.. Its just not there anymore.

    I know the current group of crap posters will eventually get tired and move on once they don’t get the attention they crave. but as I see it now its going nowhere but down the crapper.

    I feel sad that it has gone this route, and I feel alot of people could benefit from a site like this not only now but in the future, but as it is now.. its getting nothing but worse. Just my .02

  2. Freckles

    March 14, 2007 at 6:54 am

    It seems simple to me. Have a Links to diffrent Ojar sites on the main page and the Divorce Board.

    Example: Have a Site about Marrage for People who ARE Married just like the Divorce Board(Well Similer)

    Have a Site about Dateing for People wanting to Date just as big as the Divorce Site.

    Have a Site about Fun for People wanting Fun (Like Utube/Music/etc

    And I am sure People can come up with more.

    And the only way to get to those places is the Main Ojar Page and a Few Links at the Top of Divorce Site and of course Links directly to them.

    P.S. Have the Free places like now and Premium where you can go to all the places not just Divorce Premium.

    Then those wanting to quit the Divorce Site would go to the Dateing Boards and then the Marrage Boards and then the Rasing Your Kids Boards then the Fun Boards

    And back and forth

    You would have *Retention* That old saying in Business it is much cheaper/easyier to sell to a Customer that you have then to get a new one.

    The Ojar Leavers would be much fewer and far between.

    And then watch out

    Just my 2 Cents

  3. Spike

    March 14, 2007 at 5:44 am

    Thats exactly what I was saying. There needs to be a place for after, where there aren’t reminders of the pain

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