How much is too much? justmenow: My therapist seems to think that I am spending too much time with my X. Now, we have 2 kids together so we have to come in contact with one another regularly, but we are also friends. I still call him for help with some things (like when i disconnected a circuit on 1/2 of my house by accident) and he has called to ask me favors. Now, these are things I would ask any of my other friends to do, so why not him?
I totally disagree with my therapist. I am not hung up on my X and he is not hung up on me, so there's really no chance of emotional attachments and all. We're just friends (which was the problem with our marriage). What do you guys think? I really don't want to lose him as a friend - I enjoy his company.
Re:How much is too much? JASPER: I think you sound like me which obviously from my post is not good!
However you do have children toghether so it's good you two can be friends for the sake of the children ,just make sure it's for there sake.
And I think it depends on what you hope to get out of this friendship your trying to preserve.
Re:How much is too much? inebr: well, my 2cents...
IMO you're right that you two have to remain friendly because of the kids. I think it will make things so much easier for them now and in the long run to see the two of you being able to be mature and get along well.
I am tempted to remain friends with my stbx but I know me and I know that I would tend to kind of "hang on" to him with a little flame of hope that he's going to start to give me more and I need to extinguish that flame, at least for now. Also, I am not at the point where I'm ok with him being with someone else and if I'm someone's friend I need to be ok with all that. I still think he was an a$$ for what he did and that's not how I wanted to be treated by a friend or otherwise. I'm probably at a much different point with all that than you.
IMHO, if you're ok with him moving on with his life and you're not thinking too much about him or what he's doing, or holding on or holding back in moving ahead with your life out of "what ifs" ....then being friends might be a natural thing to do. I dunno, ...try to really see where you're at with being friends with him, make sure you're getting the right things out of it and it's not taking away from you.
Re:How much is too much? barelybreathing: Where is is written in the divorce books that you have to be distanct, cold enemies. My god, you shared time with one another and you have children.
If you both have reached a peaceful point in the transition, why not?
I think that it is wonderful, especially for your children.
BB
Re:How much is too much? Old_Shoes: I agree with BB. If you can be civil then keep it going. It's excellent for the kids to see that their parents can get along.
I haven't noticed that you are hung up on your ex. If you were just trying to get more time with your ex because you were still hung up on him then maybe that would be a problem.
If only I could do so well with mine. Sadly there only so much "I was out with the vice president from work...", "I was out with a personal trainer and he had some tips for me to help define my buttocks..." that I can take. ::)
Sounds like you are doing fine in post divorce ex relationship.
