Re:I'm in so much pain
I hope I have been of some help sista you'll be fine just be strong and you'll see. 8)
I'm in so much pain brokehearted: My boyfriend (well I guess ex) of 4 years just broke up with me two weeks ago. He told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship, that he wasn't happy with his life (job,me, etc) and that he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted without having to answer to anyone (he's 26). I found out about 4 days after we broke up that he had met someone else while we were still together (he didn't tell me I found out on my own) someone that he works with, that I guess he is now with.
The hurt that I am feeling is unbearable. I had trust issues when we first got together (last boyfriend was a real jerk) and he totally brought me to a place in my life where I was in a trusting and loving relationship. I trusted him 150% and to find out that he was doing things behind my back and lying to me just crushes me. He always told me that he would never do what my ex had done to me, that I had nothing to worry about. I haven't heard from him at all, which is killing me even more. I still have some things there, he also said he would watch my cat till I got my own place, he also let me keep the key. I don't want to call him because he said he needed his space and I know if I call him he will be a total jerk to me and that would hurt even more. I just can't stop thinking about him being with someone else, her being in my house, in my bed, living my life, it makes me sick. There are a lot of things that I have stood by him through (nothing like cheating or anything just some trouble he got into) and for him to repay me this way after 4 years just sucks.
I can't focus on anything, I can't stop thinking about him about our life and he is just out there living his life probably not even letting it bother him. I'm sure he doesn't cry, have a hard time working or sleeping because he has her in his life and it just makes me sick. Then I talk to mutual friends of ours and he is telling pepole that the breakup was mutual, be a man and tell people the truth. Now I keep blaming myself and wondering what if I would of done this differently maybe he wouldn't of looked elsewhere. Then it makes me question me, he used to tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he never wanted to be with anyone else, well I can't be that beautiful if you left me for someone else. I hate that he has done this, but at the same time I miss him so much. This sucks!
I am really having a hard time with this any help anyone can provide would be greatly appreciated.
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Re:I'm in so much pain AmyMarie1972: Hi,
You have just written my story completely except I have four kids with the looser and 13 years but the rest is exactly the same. My ex has now moved the new g/f in with him and he told everyone that it was a mutual decision that we broke up. It was 5 weeks after he walked out that he and her supposedly got together and I was totally devistated.
Anyway you have got to stay strong. Don't let him make your life hell and get you into a depression, you are much better than that.
I know exactly how difficult it is but you will get through this. It can help to write down everything that you are feeling when you are low, gets it out of your head. Then you can say to yourself when you close that book that you are not going to let him destroy your life.
Don't think about what he is doing and if you find that you are then try and think about something else.
Try a new thing that you have always wanted to do but haven't. Give yourself time to grieve.
I often think that the OW in my husands life is leading my life and doing what I should be doing, and then I think no she isn't. She can have him. Anyone who can walk out on another person for someone else and breaks their heart in the process does not deserve my love or my thoughts and certainly does not deserve my tears. Yours does not deserve your tears either.
He will one day regret his decision, they always do but by that time you will have a new and happy life.
Take care of yourself
Amy
Re:I'm in so much pain summerparis: I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. There is often a big gap between what people say and what people do. I say this because of what your ex-bf said he would do, or never do, as the case may be, and what he actually did. Many times when we've been hurt before, we want so much to believe someone's promises and pretty words. The hard lesson that many of us have to learn is to discern between words and actions. And sometimes we won't know how another person will act until a stress situation comes along.
FWIW, sweetheart, I believe that our relationships are like stepping stones, each one building on the foundation that the previous one left, and allowing us to heal ourselves over time. You have an opportunity here to examine what determines your choices in a partner, what worked,what didn't work, and what you weren't able to see or notice about your ex-bf when you met. This can be an excellent time to look at your own patterns, e.g. trust. A therapist can be of great help in that process, as well as with helping you deal with the grief and the loss that you are going through. And you can post here, and read other people's stories, too - you will get a lot of useful information. Hope this helps.
Re:I'm in so much pain MichelleOC: Hi brokehearted,
I went through the same thing essentially. My stbx went through a mid-life crisis of sorts - didnt want to be trapped by a relationship/job. He quit his job, and cheated on me. Whatever.
Know its not you at all. Your exguy had issues, and you were a casualty. Nothing you could have done differently would have worked. You are probably right in that he is not as brokenhearted as you, but keep strong, and know that you can make it without him. REad on in these boards and jump in, its a great way to work out your feelings and make progress towards the next phase of your life -- being un-brokenhearted.
