Having Doubts renjen76: Hello all I am new here so I will tell you all a little about me. I met my husband in highschool, the year was 1992. We dated for 6 years and then on Sept. 5th, 1998 we got married. On May 25th, 2000 we had our 1st son Ryan. Then on Sept. 14th, 2002 we had our 2nd son Dylan. We haven't really ever gotten along all that well. We have had good times and I will always remember them. But we have had really bad times as well. I am a stay at home mom. I cook and clean and do laundry and look after my kids. I manage fairly well. I totally love my job. But hubby has absolutley no appreciation. We have fought countless times over it and nothing ever seems to get resolved. He says hurtful things to me all the time and more often than not it's in front of the kids. I finally made up my mind to end it. I want to leave at the end of June, because that's better for my son in school. But now I fell like "is this the right thing to do?". I know I need to make a better life for my children but I have been with this guy for 13 years now. I really don't know if what I am doing is the right thing. God someone please help me.
Re:Having Doubts down2basics: I have a couple of questions for you....
First - welcome to the board - you'll find tons of support from some of the finest people you'll ever "meet".
Second:
Do you love your husband? Truly love the sight of him? Can he make your stomach turn flips with just a look?
Third:
Have you seriously sit down and considered the mountain of ramifications that will rain down on you if you proceed with the seperation/divorce?
You have to very small children. Agreed, they're too young to really understand all that's going on...but still old enough to know when their world is shattering...even if they can't articulate it as well as they'd like.
Fourth:
(this question has been put to me enough times, I should have it tatooed on my butt cheeks!) What do you want to happen here - now?
What if? There's a whole list (I'm sure you know what it is) of things to ask yourself before you proceed on this path.
Most of all, to take a quote from one of my favorite movies, "Kill Bill Vol. 2"
".....some things, once you do, they can never be undone."
Stop, look and listen - both to yourself and each other. Talk about what's bothering BOTH of you and see if you can't work it out together.
FWIW!
Best Wishes!
d2b
Re:Having Doubts sad sad neko: I'm sorry to hear your story it must be very hard what you're going through, but it is true you will find lot so support and nice people here who are listening to you and your feelings. I guess my only advise is to see if this is what you want because it doesn't sound like you're happy. I know you must love your husband and your family, but at the same time you have to think of what is healthy for you all. Maybe if you seek counseling it will help. I hope that my comments don't offend you because that is not my intent :) If you want to move out i'm sure you've thought about this before. It's hard for men to understand that being a stay at home mom is a full time job with no vacation or anything else other than the satisfaction that you're doing your best for your family. Please remember that yes spliting up is hard on you and your kids, but what is worse being around a man who shows no respect for his wife in front of his kid..... I'm sure your a nice person so think about it. I beleive once you make a decision you should stick to your guns.
Good luck 8)
Re:Having Doubts AmyMarie1972: Hi, If the only reason that you can think of to stay with your husband is because you have been together for 13 years then there is something very wrong.
Have you sat down and talked to your husband about this and told him how you are feeling. Is there any way that things could be made to improve enough for the relationship to work.
I was with my husband for 13 years before he left me. We have 4 children aged 3-10.
He left before even telling me what the problems were and has only now after 8 weeks of him having gone and him now living with someone else, started to talk to me about what went wrong. Maybe I could have done something to stop what has happened but I will never know because he never gave me that chance.
Tell your husband exactly how you are feeling.
If you dont get any response or the response that you get is not a good one and he doesn't want to try then you know that what you have decided to do is right.
Good luck and hope that it does all turn out ok for you
Amy
Re:Having Doubts snowyheart: Hi renjen,
Welcome. I always have to check myself before responding to a story like yours because I have such little tolerance for selfishness. To me, selfishness is the opposite of love.
Well, he doesn't beat you, cheat on you, the kids love em', it'll hurt them badly if you break up your family, you took vows, you made promises, marriage is a permanent union...I could go on.
I never understood people that commit themselves to another til death and then give up when they don't get what they want. It defies logic.
It just seems like people get these ideas in their mind about what a marriage is supposed to look like, and then when their idealism doesn't come to fruition, they toss in the towel.
I'm sorry that your marriage is difficult and that you feel you don't get what you need, I'm sorry your husband doesn't appreciate you the way he should, but to me, giving up is not an option. That's why they call it marriage.
I'm here to talk.
sunnyheart
