divorce is final...can't let go

divorce is final...can't let go willow78: :( :-\My divorce is now final,but now he sends me the divorce papers with a little note inside saying that he hopes someday I can forgive him for all the pain he has put me through, and that I am a good person. Then he e-mails me saying that he feels bad for the hurt he has caused me and his family, and that he basically failed me and our marriage, that he is not happy with the outcome of all of this, and that he is sorry!! Why is he saying all of this? He is the one who wanted this. He wouldn't change his mind no matter what any one said! He is the one who chose to cheat on me and then move her into our house! Why would he feel bad? He could have stopped this any time he wanted, if he felt so bad about it he would have! He also told me he isn't as happy as everyone thinks he is, and that we never know what will happen, we don't know what life will bring our way. Is he trying to have me hold on or what?? He knows I love him very much, he knows what he says affects me greatly. I don't know. He also said he has an empty pit inside!
Re:divorce is final...can't let go soTiredOfHurting: Wow, maybe icy cold reality has hit him and he sees what he did with those final papers. Maybe he is playing a game, but I don't know if he is that type. Maybe you are too far gone for it to matter, well if it is putting wierd thoughts in your head you may not be too far gone.

You could always ask him what is he doing, or hoping to accomplish with this. Then again make sure you are prepared for the answer, it may not be the one that you expect. Also, make sure that you know what you want to do.

I wish I had better words of wisdom for you, but this is what I have for the moment.

-modified - fricking spelling again
 Re:divorce is final...can't let go caligirl: dear willow--sorry for your pain, and its good that you are getting it out.
it is his guilt of EVERYTHING that he is speaking from, and deep down inside, he probably does feel as crappy as he behaved, and he's repenting.
at this point, you need to focus on yourself- to help make you feel better....think about you, and do something good for yourself---((((((((HUGS)))))))) to you.
--Cali
 Re:divorce is final...can't let go reck: i think they do it to make themselves feel better , ease their Conscience . Someone has to have the power and till you can grab some of it back.............
 Re:divorce is final...can't let go rcmorrison: Hi Willow,

I'm going through this myself. My husband asked me to marry him July 2004. We got married in a civil ceremony in Chicago on Aug 6, 2004.

For the entire month, I was the loving, doting wife that he wanted. I was happy and looking forward to my life with him, but since I was living in TX and he in WI, I decided to give up career, home, family and friends to relocate to him and I did this willingly.

The first 2 wks of my marriage were great, but when my teenage, ADHD diagnosed stepson started crossing the line with me, this made my life a bit difficult. Also, this boy's mom constantly interfered in our marriage and I didn't know what to do. I confronted her and she took our argument to my husband who sided with her and her son. He stated that his son was his #1 priority...that hurt me deeply because I was now in another marriage where I was not #1 in my husband's life.

October 2004 came and this was the month of conflict. My stepson attacked my character and started slandering my name. He would accuse me of hitting him when in all honesty, I never touched him...I kept a distance between us and I feel that my husband saw this as time moved on.

One day, my stepson caught me off guard and tried to scare me and I jump in a corner behind a chair. He stated that I was trying to throw the chair at him and ran wild with this story. He went to his room, called his mother and father and for the entire night, I had 2 BIG people yelling at me and not allowing me to speak. So after this scolding...I packed up my SUV and left and have not been back since.

My husband filed for divorce soon after my departure and he doesn't speak to me at all, until last week. I got a letter asking if I were OK. I wrote him back stating how I felt about the entire situation. I did nothing wrong, but when it came to his son....I WAS WRONG for trying to love a child who craved attention. I was trying to be the mom that he complained so much of not having in his life. I was trying to be a good mom and allow him freedoms that he didn't have before I came into the picture and this is how I was treated. This boy feels that he's the center of the universe and his parents treat him as such.

He was a premature baby and he constantly uses that excuse to get his way, but not with me. I was a premi myself and I never did the things that he has done to me. During my brief time with my husband, I tried to allow him to see my insights on dealing with children like his son, but he felt that he knew what was best for his son...now his son is slowly killing him health-wise with his antics at school and whenever he's out in public with other people.

My husband wrote me stating that he wished things had worked out between us. He also wrote me stating that I should not hold any ill feelings towards him because of this, but sadly I do. I gave up my life for him and in nearly 3 months of marriage, I was forced out of my home and now divorcing for the 2nd time in my life.

He states that we should go back to the way things were after the divorce, but during this time of separation, I have not been able to obtain employment in my field. I had to file bankruptcy to get a handle on debt that my first husband piled me after he found out that I had remarried. I lost my home, my SUV and everything of value to me, YET my 2nd husband states that we should pick up our lives before the marriage. He never left his life...he still had his job, his home, and his family and friends...I lost everything behind this man.

I have now since stop dating and have decided to resume searching for something more meaningful with my life, but men are definitely not a focus at this time. I still pray for him and for myself to overcome this hurt that he has placed in my heart.

After tomorrow - our divorce day, I feel that he'll realize what he's done and try to contact me with an excuse. The sad thing about this situation is that he'll have to deal with the guilt and sadness alone.