Help me! finney5: Background first: During the marriage, my stbx visited a lot of porn sites and prefered to relieve himself with that rather than me. When asked, he said I was "too much work"
Now when I'm out (okay, on the one 'date' I've been on) I'm almost jealous of the people on tv or whatever (we were at a club and they played music videos). Although I know that any guy I'm with would never truly have access to the person on tv, I guess I'm still paranoid that they would find the other person more attractive than me. Or something like that. Does this make any sense?
I guess I know that it's a little irrational, but I feel like it's happened once, it could happen again. How do you stop it?
Re:Help me! notmyself: i TOTALLY understand how you feel. i know that my self esteem is nill thanks to stbx rejecting physically that i feel as though i am not enough for a man in that area. i feel like i am not enough. so i constantly compare myself to everyone else. i feel panic and anxiety, a real physical reaction. so no you aren't alone in this. i am sorry however i do not have any real advice of how to 'fix' this. i am trying to work on my self esteem, i think that is the key. best wishes.
Re:Help me! Brian75034: Finney,
after a divorce, A LOT of work has to go on rebuilding ones esteem again.
You have to work at it constantly- I am in a new relationship and there are things I still have to work through. Even though I spent much time 'fixing' my self esteem.
You have to constantly remind yourself, that yes, there will always be attractive people out there, a person cannot stop being exposed to something like that.
But, a question for you: honestly, didnt you find other people more attractive than the guy you went on a date with? Whether on tv not not. Of course! We all do. Does it mean you didnt like this guy or didnt find him any less attractive? of course not.
Keep working on your esteem and it gets easier out there! :)
Re:Help me! Distance: Finney,
I can VERY much relate to your story. Just put this in your mind, and mull it over for a while... Anyone who would choose a "fictional character" on a porn site over a real person, or truly aspires to be with someone like they see on tv has serious issues, and you should be glad they reveal that to you so that you can run the other way! Just enjoy yourself, and realize that you are a wonderful REAL person. And any person worth having will prefer reality over fiction any day- for many reasons.
Re:Help me! JASPER: Try this finney,
These women on tv spend hours with hairdressers make up artist and Lord knows what else all the hours and all that money would make anybody look like a goddess.
Now I've seen magazines with some of the same women caught without make up or fancy cloths and they looked just like everybody else.
I always say if I had there money I'd look just as good as they do!
