First post-divorce wedding... Fresca: As my life continues to roll on, post divorce (which, all by itself, is amazing to me), I have been invited by my bf to a wedding this weekend.
I have been invited to a few previously, but felt I wasn't ready to celebrate a couple's vows after my own were broken so callously. I also, I have to admit, didn't feel comfortable enough with the relationship I had with the previous guys who had asked me. I thought, at the time, that I was just still numb inside. It turns out that they just weren't quite right for me. Now, 19 months after d-day, 9 months after the divorce was final, I think I have the right attitude, the right guy, and that I can handle it. The groom is a good friend of my bf, and I am just the 'plus one' on the RSVP :), and am just acquainted with the couple.
I admit, I'm terribly emotional - it doesn't take much to evoke tears from me. So, I'm afraid I might turn into a self-contained waterworks and embarrass myself when memories of the love I had for my ex on our wedding day bubbles to the surface. ::)
Anyone else cope with this situation? How soon after your divorce or seperation was it? How did you feel before and after? Did the person you attend the wedding with have any effect on your decision to attend?
Re:First post-divorce wedding... Anna: I had to go to more weddings in the months following my separation than I've been to in years. The first one was about a month after my ex left, and 9 days after my son was born. I conveniently blamed my emotional-ness on birth hormones. :) I didn't take a date, for obvious reasons, but managed to have fun with old friends and only teared up twice.
The second wedding was about 2 months post separation, and it was outdoors. This allowed me to make wisecracks under my breath to my friend without being terribly rude. I didn't have a good feeling about the chances of the marriage lasting in the first place, so I wasn't terribly jealous or overwhelmed with memories. (She cheated on him about a year later.)
The third wedding was for very close friends of my ex H and I. My girls were the flower girls in their wedding, and it was a very extravagent affair on New Year's Eve in downtown Denver. The reception was a masquerade ball, and I was feeling just fine hanging out with friends until someone said "You sure are brave for coming by yourself!" I hadn't even thought of it until then, but I was no where near ready to consider dating at that point. I felt truly happy for them, and not the least bit cynical or jaded. I was also pleased ex H wasn't invited. :)
The fourth wedding was one that I was in, for one of my best college friends. It was nice and didn't really affect me. This was about 8 months post divorce.
I haven't been to any weddings since then, but if I was to go to one, I doubt I would get emotional. I definitely have a jaded view of the chances of marriages surviving, but I'm able to be truly happy and hopeful for new couples as well. None of the weddings I went to really reminded me of mine, and my ex H has morphed into someone so different than the man I married that I can hardly remember what he was like then.
Good luck - I bet you will do just fine. Time was the key for me!
Re:First post-divorce wedding... DaisyGarden: The first one I went to was 8 months after s2bx asked for a divorce, and a month after our attempt at working things out, failed. I did ok. It was a wedding that we planned to attend together, but that was the only thing that bothered me. He didn't even care for the bride to be.
The second one was 6 months after the first one. It was MUCH more difficult. Because, it was in the same church that s2bx and I were married in, so the memories KILLED me! The ceromony was even set up just as ours was. :-\ I didn't plan on attending until the last second. But, I thought, I'm not going to let s2bx take one more thing away from me. The couple getting married were good friends of mine, and my sister and BIL were in the wedding. So many friends were there, I just couldn't let 'him' take that away from me! It was hard. :-[ But, looking back I'm glad I attended!
Re:First post-divorce wedding... JimB: I've been to two, both alone.
First one (3 months after divorce) I was fine until "till death do us part". Yeah, right.
Second one (5 months after divorce) I was surrounded by family, so didn't really think too much about being alone. For me, that was the hardest part - not so much witnessing a wedding, but having to do it alone.
I guess I'd just say don't be afraid to have feelings about it. You're not ruining their big day by getting emotional - you won't be the only one.
Re:First post-divorce wedding... Jernigan: My first post-marriage wedding will be in November, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit I've been secretly dreading it. To add insult to injury, the event coincides during an especially difficult time, what with the holidays. I do know, however, that I feel obligated to be in attendance, and that it might even serve as an important part of my healing process. I mean, weddings are supposed to be joyous occasions, are they not? And what's more joy-inspiring than seeing a long-single friend finally getting married? I will most likely attend alone, but depending on my situation, I might even bring a girlfriend---meaning, a plutonic woman friend, and try to have as good a time as possible. Who knows? Maybe I'll be a blubbering, inebriated mess and body slam the wedding cake. I'll try to avoid that at all possible costs, however.
