Sexw/ the ex
Sexw/ the ex whatnow: Where to start.
We decided it wasn't working out almost two months ago. She pulled the trigger on the relationship by having an affair and , but there were deeper problems that go back years.
We decided we would try to have a friendly divorce.
Fine. Because she has nowhere else to go and we live overseas I agreed to let her stay until she could find another place to live, which happens to be the end of the month.
About two weeks ago she proposed we should be friends "with privileges" after she came into my room and we had sex (her affair broke up almost the same time we decided to split). I figured it was one for the road.
Since then we had two other ones for the road before I finally put my foot down and established a rule that we shouldn't hug or kiss anymore. This is how the other sessions started, with friendly supportive hugs and then BAM! Incredible horniness followed by incredible sex.
She says what's the problem if we are both enjoying it and understand that it is just sex. "We're both alone and need a little intimacy" she says. I just can't get over thinking how strange it is.
I'm beginning to wonder if this is part of her desire to act as if she is 18 again and follow her newfound philosophy of "if it feels good, do it." But I'm beginning to wonder if I'm doing her a huge disservice by feeding in to what I think is a self-destructive behavior.
That's partly why I shut it down. However, I have to admit I'm incredibly turned on by the idea of another "one last time."
We are just using each other, but we both understand that. Is this a kinder, gentler, more gradual way of breaking up or just a terrible mistake? Has anyone else had such an experience? Was it a good thing or bad thing in the long run?
This would never have happened if we were in the states with friends/family/support, but out here we only have each other I've never been this confused (or horny)
PiscesGoddess: hmm..this is a sticky subject on the old divorce rollercoaster... I cant tell you what to do with your situation..that depends on if you are both consensual and are doing this for the right reasons.. I can only give you my experience.
I too did the "sex with the ex' thing for awhile..thinking oh this is okay.. we're both horny..just need somebody.. but... since I was the one leaving the situation, it totally gave him the wrong idea..it made him think that we WERENT getting a divorce.. b/c to him sex always meant ..well everything..thats all he cared about. So, when I got into the dating pool again, and told him no more sex.. things got ugly...so.. that is just my perspective.. if you are getting a divorce? and dont want to be together anymore..at all.. maybe being that intimate isnt a good thing.. but then again thats just my 2 cents and my experience.. maybe it works for you guys.. Im just saying in the long run.. it can leave things really messed up..
Good luck.. keep us posted.. ::)
notmyself: i refused sex w/ the ex. we barely did it when we were together, but after we split he was practically begging for it. after he had hurt me so bad the idea of him touching me (or anyone for that matter) made my skin crawl. i think that it is a bad idea to have sex w/ the ex because i think it is hard not to get your heart tied into things. someone usually ends up getting hurt. i wish you luck sorting all of this out. sorry not more help. :)
inebr: I have been in situations with ex boyfriends where we continued to be physically intimate after breaking up. I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said "I'm beginning to wonder if I'm doing her a huge disservice by feeding in to what I think is a self-destructive behavior." Maybe this is a choice of lifestyle, but IMHO, I think it can be destructive (not just for her) because the dissociation of sex and relationship. And again, my 2 cents, I think it's healthier to bring sex and relationship together and the two things going hand in hand.
but I know all people don't chose to live in this way, and each has to find what makes them comfortable. My stbx would be very happy to have a sexual relationship with me, or any woman for that matter, and not have to deal with it going beyond just that. Good friends, good times, no strings. That's his choice. For me, as much as I might *desire* to be physically intimate with him, I want more for me and I realize that doing *that* with him would shut me out of other opportunities with men who would like to give me more....
I don't know, ...that's my experience. good luck with this.
EfemII: I wanted to have sex with my ex very badly during our separation, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I would just think of her being with other guys and then looked at her. It disgusted me to the point of I thought of her as trash. She could have contracted an STD during her joyride thru fantasyland, so I didn't want to dip into that well anymore. Sorry for the bad pun.
I even had myself checked out for STDs after she told me of her affairs. Maybe I'm paranoid, but hey that's just me.