My story Safetykc: Man, that is what I get for typing for the last 30 minutes. Two long a message and now I lost it. Well basically I was telling you my story. I am so glad I found this site. I have been reading stories and taking hope from all of you that it will get better. My wife left me, last month, telling me she didnt love me anymore and was in love with someone else. What a bombshell, we had our ups and downs like any couple, but she told me she was happy and so was I, obviously not I guess. Here's the skinny since my last post was so long, lots of emotion and heart wrenching drama. ;) We met at work, were married and still work together in different departments, problem number one. The married guy with 3 kids she has been having the affair with for months (I found evidence, arrrrgh) also works here. She says it was all cyber sex nothing physical, yeah right, they could have snuck off at lunch anytime. She moved out last month the day before my birthday, rough, and two weeks before our anniversary, rougher. I took the high road and didn't call this guys wife or cause a stink at work. Lots of reasons, for another post. My question is, has anyone else dealt with working at the same place as their STBX? Since so many people meet at work this is bound to have happened. What about working with the homewrecker. Any advice on how to deal with how badly this all sucks? Trying to be strong and deal with the pain, loss, and everything all of you are going through and have gone through while still being around the ex, who keeps engaging me in conversations and chance run-ins at work and calls after. She doesn't want to work on our marriage, just wants me in her life as a friend...unfair. She wont let go of me, but doesnt want to work on our marriage either...ugghhhgh Any advice? Anyone that wants to hear more can. Like I said at the beggining. There is so much crap that has gone on in the last month. It is like a bad soap opera. I was the step-father of two awesome kids she had from a previous marriage. I loved them like my own since she couldn't have more children. I miss them as much as I miss her, even with her wrecking my life. How do you stop loving them? I have no rights as a step parent, but all the love of a parent. Any advice on the working together at the same place thing? Thanks in advance....
Re:My story robert98: Holy toledo! I am really sorry about to hear about how crazy your situation is. The best advice I can give is to engage a good counselor ASAP. It can be real helpful (especially as the counselor gets to know more and more) to have someone with a lot of experience to help vent these issues to in one hour blocks. I know it has helped me a lot and led to good practical advice in tough situations. I hope you do a little better and better each day.
Re:My story Safetykc: Thanks Robert. I am planning on getting counseling. I am actually doing a little better tonight. Just needed to vent earlier at work. It is probably a solace to some divorcing people, but not for me. ;) Thank God we have a fitness center there. I have found working out at lunch helps a lot. Nothing like the divorce diet to get you jump started on weight loss. I have dropped so much weight in the last month its almost frightening. It was like 20 pounds the first 6 days after she told me since I wasn't eating and another 20 since. I am eating healthy now and I have been lifting in the gym every day for two weeks and find that cathartic. The weight is melting off which is like the only silver lining in all of this. I needed to lose about 75 pounds anyway so I am over half way there. :) Got to keep looking on the bright side. It has helped my self esteem to be slimming down which is helping. As for counseling Robert, as a couple we tried one couples counseling session the week after she told me she was leaving. I was desperate for anything to try to get her to try to work on things and give it a chance. The day we showed up she told me she had signed the lease on the apartment and then we went in to counseling. The counselor told us I wanted to make the work on things, but she was ambivalent and would have to give up her affair to make the marriage work and until we were on the same page there was no reason to continue with the couples counseling. My family has recommended counseling just for me and like I said I plan on getting it. :) Today was just rough because I filed for divorce lthe other week and got the official court date today. It made me sad even with everything she had done to me. The STBX didn't take it well which ripped me up. I had been begging her to give me one shred of hope that we could work on things and she said she couldn't do that, sorry. Then when I filed she accused me of ending the marriage. She said it was over with this guy and she had initiated the seperation and break, but I was filing 2 weeks after her moving out. I got my hopes up again and said did that mean she wanted to work on counseling and reconciling at some point and she couldn't give me that. Just the emotional pain of saying I ended the marriage. :( So getting the letter from the lawyer today and finding out that December 1st its all over hit me harder than I expected. I think after reading so much here on OJAR and on many over divorce/seperation/dealing with loss websites and stuff on the Internet I thought I was doing ok. I just needed to kind of pour it out today and I appreciate you listening. I have talked with other people divorced/divorcing, etc. about dealing with all of these issues, but no one else has to work with their STBX and deal with the kind of issues I am dealing with. I was just hoping their might be someone else who has done it that could help....Thanks again Robert and I am trying to keep my chin up and get better and better each day.
Re:My story robert98: Kudos to you for working out and for keeping your chin up. I am in a similar hell but mine ended in late May. It has gotten better which was definitely hard to believe in the early days. For whatever it is worth you have my support!!
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Re:My story Safetykc: Thanks Robert! Support is always appreciated! I keep reading all the different posts hear and listening to the amazing people that are here. How did so many really insightful caring people end up like me in this mess...oh yeah. I'm here too so that answers my question. I feel like I am running through so much of this process so quickly because I have to. I didn't want to file for divorce, was willing to put aside my pride and work through the infidelity, and even the other issues she brought up which were all minor stuff every relationship I have ever seen has. I think she had just gotten bored or was still working through issues with her first marriage. This was my first marriage but her second. She got married young at 20 and had two kids. Married 8 years and then her husband left her after she moved here and got a job where I worked. She was dating a roommate, kind of crazy guy, and been seperated several months when I met her so I thought he was rebound man not me, guess the joke is on me. I was... :'( So we lived together for a year and a half, I wanted to wait to make sure we were compatible. Like everyone I thought the first would be the one for life. Lol...sigh... Then when she left she did the same thing to me that was done to her, cheated on..etc, telling me she was done and didn't love me anymore. I told her can't you see, you are doing the same thing to me that was done to you. You are even using the same words he used. What I can't understand after reading all the pain here and going through so much pain with this myself as the one who didn't see it coming, how can someone who has been through this do the same thing to another person? One she loves and loved her...Especially within 3 years of her first divorce..It just boggles my mind. I NEVER want to go through this again! I will be much more conscious of the flags. I actually had seen the fact that she had been married before in a stable relationship as a plus. What a joke. She said she had never gotten to be single and free and had to prove she could be self sufficient and on her own. Great,,,thanks. Why did she marry me then and wreck my life? Something I could have been told YESTERDAY! ;) love that line. So now she is single and free to have her affair with the married guy? makes no sense. So he can wreck his life with his wife and kids? What a mess. Now she can be self sufficient? After I took on all of her debt on to my low interest equity line. Must be nice. Now I am in the financial mess she was in when I met her. Our positions are completely reversed. I had done to me what was done unto her and am as deep in debt as she was and she got to dance off into the sunset to find this wonderful wild singles life. I realize now we were at different stages. I looking to settle down adn her wanting to party and have fun. But I keep coming back to why get married to me then. All the hopes and dreams I had of growing old with her gone. Never to see the grey in her hair or walk the kids down the aisle or help them pick colleges. To much looking to the future instead of focusing on today I guess...I missed all the signs of the cheating spouse too. I read them afterwards on a website and realized she was exhibiting most of them...Oh my garsh!! I am venting again. I think I need counseling faster than I though. The wound is still too fresh though. Sorry all :-[ Never mind that, hopefully here of all places I don't have to apologize for getting it off my chest. Thanks for listening....
