Still manipulating..... HELP!!! confusedkelly: How many of you separated, decided to try to work it out and then it did not? I have filed 3 wks ago. Stbx still says he loves me and wants to try to work it out. His behavior has not changed that much however. He has sold a vehicle he bought to resell to help pay for furniture we had to charge when I moved to the apt. He never told me when he sold it. 6 days after car disappeared, I asked him and he admitted he sold it 6 days earlier and said he forgot to tell me. Even though I fixed him a home cooked meal the next night at my apt. He drives by my apt. to see if I have anyone over and I found out yesterday, he had my brother drive by late in the night and my brother wound up sitting all night in the parking lot watching my apt. to be sure nobody was here. I cannot believe all of this. I am hurt, and feeling betrayed by my brother especially. My husband had invited me out to eat on Sat. and because I said no, he suspected I had other plans. NOOOO..... We have not made an agreement to date even though I have now filed. I know all this is debatable here on this forum. I personally feel that since I have filed and he remains up and down in behavior, I might should move on but don't dare. Today he filed an extension on our first court date. How can I trust this man??? He goes to AA occasionally. Has only drank two beers in the last month. Alcohol was one of our problems. The verbal abuse is much better, but I am out of the house. The manipulation remains. I don't think I will ever speak to my bro. again. He is close to both of us. My husband been in family for 20 years, like a bro. to my brother. It seems that he is as suspicious as my hubby. I cannot talk to bro. about it right now as I am so angry. What would you all do? He told me we could go ahead and buy me a place to live while trying to work on this. I don't know if we even need to bother. I have asked him time and again to keep my family out of this but on numerous occasions including this one, he continues to do it and says he did not want to keep driving by because of our son being with him and he was asleep. He has other friends, why my brother? Would you all be upset about this. I thought I was finished with this. Totally confused by all of his begging... Which way, left or right. I don't know. Thanks for any advice.....
Re:Still manipulating..... HELP!!! Ladybug: Your brother should have stuck by you. Spying on you for the ex was pretty rotten.
OTOH, he's is your brother and you can't change that. You can divorce you husband, but you can't get rid of the siblings, so I would try to make up.
Tell him how you feel and ask him what he was thinking. Ask him why he didn't just come up and ask you what was going on. Ask him where his loyalty is and why? That's what I would do, I think, but I have to say, I've never been in this position. My family has been on my side all the way and his family has been on his.
Re:Still manipulating..... HELP!!! confusedkelly: Thank you for your response. I have had problems with my brother two times since my separation. The first was when he found out I was moving out. I asked stbx to wait until I was moving or until close to moving date of 2/1 to tell the family. (mine and his). Stbx took it upon himself to tell everyone three weeks before it happened. I caught hell from everyone. My brother did not even bother to ask me what kind of problems I had in my marriage. He put his finger in my face at my moms home and screamed at me for about 5 minutes about how rotten I was to be leaving my marriage and that I would never find anyone who could provide for me like my stbx. He turned over two chairs and my mom ran out of the house. Should you stay in a marriage just because the spouse is a good provider. Does lack of respect, emotional, and verbal abuse count for anything. Nobody in my family thinks this is a big deal because he has never treated them this way. He does'nt treat anyone this way but me and an occasional neighbor who ticks him off because their yard or landscape is not up to par. Super Mister nice guy to everyone, but me. I cannot imagine how it would feel to know that you had your family behind you. He gets the same communication and love from my family that he always has had and support from his also. I cannot believe I am living this life. Thank you for your post. Kelly
Re:Still manipulating..... HELP!!! Shanna: My sister is a cheater and I refused to side against the xBIL for this reason. I opted to not know the truth and told my xbil he would always be my brother.
OTOH my parents spied on my sister to find out the truth and KNEW she was cheating. So they took sides. against her. their own daughter.
MAybe he was trying to prove you weren't doing the wrong thing before he took sides???? HEck I DUNNO
Re:Still manipulating..... HELP!!! confusedkelly: Sully, Thank you for your insight. I never would have considered this. However, he has not called me since I found out he did this. He has called my stbx however to see how he was doing. I only know this because I just happened to be at stbx house to get the kids when the call came in. I think he is convinced I am doing something in appropriate. He spied on his ex wife in the same way. Took pictures of her truck in the middle of the night to prove where she was parked. Of course it was in front of the boyfriends house. For heavens sake I was at my own apt. I think he has been hurt by a woman and has decided that all women are bad. He is engaged to a new gal, a nice gal and they fight constantly. He is one who says no woman is ever gonna tell him what to do again. It really is sad. He will not see a counselor. Thinks my counselor has completely messed me up. Thank you for your insight, anything is worth considering at this point. Kelly
