Ended no contact with a bang! sacoderisa: Guys I don't know if I am happy I am still alive, but I am still alive........I want help, but can't afford it, I went right now at midnight to talk to her. We talked about why she left me, and she told me that she didn't see herself staying with only one person trough life. Also told me all about the other guy she dated, and all the things he did better than I did. It hurts, It hurts really bad. I don't know how I didn't keep driving straight to that bridge and jump. I even had the picture in my head, there was just a bigger force that drove me home. Does God really exist? is he the one that stopped me, I was dead sure I was doing this.......I just suddenly realized how crappy my life is, I have no friends whatsoever, only a couple of people that I can't even trust with my personal stuff........ha, even though i am confiding this to millions of perfect strangers. Ha, she even mentioned that the computer was like my lover, cause i was always in it......i guess the computer is the only place where i have found friends.......at least i imagine i can trust, since I've never seen or been with anybody from the net.
I could be dead now, wow, I just started thinking of what people would do without me. Yes i have a lot of things to live for......but the things pushing me are just too many, many more of the ones keeping me here. Only more important thing, my daughter keeps me here, I think I am a bad father tho. I almost feel like letting her go as long as I don't have to deal with the mother......Is that reasonable, why do I think that, I despise myself. I shouldn't think that, my daughter is my life................My head is spinning, i have nothing, I am living back at my parents.........loans are comming out of the ying yang. and money doesn't show up like it used to. I am in deep crap, and dead is the only way out. But I don't want to die, I want to live..........Life is a b*ch, and that's why we hold on to it........hah, never my own words held truer! Peace, I just want peace and happiness......at least for a good while......Get this girl out of my life, out of my head.....I need help!!!!! lots and lots of help!!!
Re:Ended no contact with a bang! bill23: Hey Sacoderisa, first and foremost, please go and read this thread that Michael posted:
http://www.ojar.com/boards/index.php?board=1;action=display;threadid=2212
I know it's bad, buddy, but I hope you're not serious about taking your life? I'm not qualified in the least to offer advice or suggest what to do if you are... all I know is that on another day, you'll have a different perspective. Things are tough... and they seem to keep getting worse. But one day, they WILL change. I wish I could tell you a magic cure to get her out of your life and out of your head; only thing I've found for that is time and, believe me, time is one harsh mistress. It'll drag you through to the other side but it won't be gentle. No matter what, though, you have to hang on, my friend... hang on till the next day and the one after that when, somehow, things WILL change and begin to look better. But if you're at all serious about taking your life, please call one of the organizations listed in the above link. Don't let her take you down this dark road, my friend... with all my best wishes...
Re:Ended no contact with a bang! sacoderisa: Been there, but just don't cut it sometimes, yes i know, each day it gets better......unless you got somebody riding you like a horse. I am not like this, I am not, I do know that my lifestyle won't let me pass 50 but that's just my bad habits, but I am not normally suicidal, is just the pain that I get from knowing i don't have her is too much, and to add up money is tight, i know is not all about money, but i do worry how I am perceived, even by people who don't even know me. And when i was ready to file for bankruptcy, bush passes the law. JUST IN TIME BRO! Can anything else go wrong with my life?
Re:Ended no contact with a bang! bill23: You've still got six months on the bankruptcy thing, my friend... it's not in force for another six months from the time he signs it. I know how financial woes can aggravate a situation that's already bad... piling more and more on. If you were ready to file bankruptcy, you can still do it... there's always hope and no matter how dark it gets, if you hang in there, a dawn *will* break eventually...
