I think my marriage is in serious trouble.. PiscesGoddess: :'( I dont know where to begin.. Ive been around here along time..I suppose those who know me know the basics of my new marriage.. dated..it was rocky..got pregnant..got married. Number 3 for me Number 2 for him..He's 46..Im 34..He's a loner..perpetual bachelor type..partier..Ive always been a bit needy I guess..a family woman..didnt really party until I met him. well since the baby was born things have went to hell pretty fast. We just had the worst fight ever and the words divorce were mentioned... :-\ Its like no matter how hard we try we just cant 'get" each other..ya know? He told me he doesnt know how to go from doing whatever he wants to being a family guy..yesterday he told me he was having a mid life crisis.. things escalated to him screaming at me and slamming doors and me taking the baby in the other room and begging him to just leave. I told him after the last time he screamed at me like that (when I was pregnant) that I wouldnt put up with it again. He says..Oh he's not allowed to slam a few doors and yell when he's upset and that I know "he's going through this "mysterious" something" and Im not understanding. I told him that when I was going through my hell of PPD that he told me to get help and be proactive.. uggh.. Things went on and on..me crying and at least standing my ground ( Im not to good at that) and him telling me how hard it is..the kids are always here blah blah ( my kids..their father has nothign to do with them) I said yeah and they will always be here..bottom line. He said he cant be my rock..( I moved away from everythign to be with him) I said thats what partners do..they are there for each other..they are the others "rock"..arent they??? WE just kept spinning our wheels until somewhere divorce got mentioned..He just said I better get a damn good lawyer..I said Im not going to do this Im not having this conversation. And he took the baby to grandmas and left as I sobbed on the bathroom floor. I told him Im too old to fight immature battles..Im so F**king scarred from already being divorced I know these drills.. I love him and he loves me..but sometimes love just aint enough and at this point I dont know where to go next. He says I wont let him help with the baby ( one of our regular fights..he's not enough help) I say well when I hear you cuss at him I come get him..he says "well Im not abusing him' I say cussing at him is abuse..screamign at me is abuse..slamming doors and throwing things is emotional abuse..Right now Im to tired to do anything..I cant even cry..I dont know what to do or say when he comes home..He would rather we push everything under the rug..but somethign in me is breaking from the inside out. I want to save this marriage but not at the expense of losing myself... sooo...if anyone can help.. where do I go from here?? Im so freakin numb right now.... I see my marriage going down the toilet ...and I dont want to be the one to flush...Help.........
Pisces Goddess
Re:I think my marriage is in serious trouble.. Druid13: One important thing you said PG....you love him...and he loves you. This is pretty important I think anyway. THat is more than I had in the end of my marriage. Once you both settle down....and hopefully cooler heads revail here...you can talk things out a bit more rationally. I know it is difficult....but also if you are feeling abused I'd say it is time for a time out on the whole deal for now.
Do you feel with some work the relationship can be saved?
Re:I think my marriage is in serious trouble.. Safetykc: OMG... :'( :'( :'(
Real sorry sweetie, finally got your signal, haven't been online in a while. I am so so sorry your having this trouble.
If you need to talk, try me on other bat channels. Don't come out here much anymore.
Hang in there and huuuuuggge HUGS. :'(
Safety
Re:I think my marriage is in serious trouble.. down2basics: My sweet, sweet, precious Goddess!
I too, am sorry it took so freaking long for me to catch on - I've been going through a few rough spots myself.
My precious one - you are much stronger than you know. I know - believe me - I KNOW! Been there myself a couple of times as you well know.
I do not condone living in hell by any means. However, if you know he loves you and you know you love him, you will have to be the one to initiate communication that HE can understand. You're going to have to try to communicate on his juvenile level! (ooops - that was tacky wasn't it!?)
Neither of you want to "flush" this relationship - so DON'T! You know the pain involved, and little Sammy too. (He's sooooo precious!)
One thing I've read about - haven't actually had the opportunity to try it though, is to have "dates" again. Just you and him. Be a couple again...as well as parents. You both sounds like you need some alone time together as a couple. You both need some "sanity maintenance" - try it - what could it hurt!?
Love may not be all you need, but it is an incredible salve for open wounds.
I love you my Goddess - call me, PM or email me anytime!
d2b
Re:I think my marriage is in serious trouble.. Phyxius: D2B speaks wisely here. It is much easier to keep the genie in the bottle in the first place than to try and put it back in (the little suckers are pure hell once they get loose)...
Trust me on this one - I would know... ;)
