Moving On

Moving On t_b: Almost 12 years we spent together.... most of them very happy. We had a marriage made in heaven as your grandparents used to say. We had everything that a married couple could hope for... wonderful times spent together, close loving families, friendships between your parents and mine, friendships between your siblings and mine, we travelled the world together and you didn't want for anything financially. We had lots of common interests, we had shared some many beautiful things together.

And out of no where you go off and sleep with someone behind my back and then treat me as if I had been a complete b****rd to you.

I had made every sacrifice I could make for you. I stayed on the other side of the world with you so that you could enjoy the things that London had to offer when I would have preferred to be at home... but I did this for you.

And in my darkest hour when the reality of what you did hit me, you left me to my own devices.... 16,000 km from my family and you tell me that I didn't satisfy you. You loved me but were not in love with me.... and that was it. Just get on with your life you said. It was simple as that.

Don't mind that 2 months before you were in tears about not yet having a family and that you broke down in tears everytime you got on a plane and left your family again. That now meant nothing. You didn't want a family with me and you didn't want to be with me because you never wanted to go back home.

And then you tell me that your affair was a mistake and that you wanted to work things out, only to tell me the next day that this was wrong and our marriage was over.

I moved out so you didn't have to be inconvienced... I had to sort out our things and then you start demanding most of the assets. Things that I had worked for.... very hard! You use this money to buy a flat for you and your new boyfriend and you tell everyone that you are going to have lots of babies with him. I treat you with respect and you lie and call me a wife basher so that you don't not look bad with your parents. You call yourself a Christian and you lie and cheat and even when I tell you how important my marriage is to me and that I want to work through whatever issues you have you treat me with contempt.

12 months on we are now divorced and I stuggle each day to pick up the pieces of my life. I tell myself each day that things will be better and I try everything to deal with the demons in my head which were never there before. I try to hold down my very demanding job and to be social and to do all the things that are required of me. And each day it is a struggle... and I know it will be for many years to come.

So, when your fling with your lover comes to an end. When he walks out on you or the lust disappears lets hope that I have been able to put my life back together and that I am where I should be... happy and at peace with my life.

I know nothing I could say to you would make a difference. Sadly your little narcissistic ways are part of your makeup and you will go on to destroy someone's life in years to come.

You were always the most beautiful girl in any room and I always felt very lucky to be with such a beautiful charming woman. That beauty and charm hides a darker side which I should have seen much earlier.

I suppose in a way that darkness means that you are more troubled than I will ever be... So perhaps there are years of torment ahead for both of us.

At least through all of this I will be stronger. I have no choice. I tried the other option and thankfully it didn't work.

I hope that your life continues to give you the quick fixes that your mind requires.... I hope that you don't leave too much more wreakage in your way.