Starting Over Again magsinfl: I find myself starting over....again. A man (we'll call him joe) that I love very much decided he wasn't in love with me. A year and a half ago I left my abusive ex husband. Joe is the first man I've dated since my seperation. Things were great between us, so I thought. It was perfect for me. We both have young daughters about a year apart in age.
We didn't date for long before we found a beautiful house to rent and we moved in together. Things got out of hand pretty quickly. Joe's mother came to live with us a few weeks after we moved in together and it was a nightmare. I found out things about Joe that I didn't want to hear. His mother told horror stories about how abusive he was towards his family and former girlfriends/ex-wife. I had heard from his ex-wife on a regular basis that he was abusive towards her during their mariage, I just took it as an angry woman upset because Joe had left her.
So after his mother came to live with us Joe decides he isn't in love with me and he wants to see other people. Come to find out he is seeking not only women but men as well on the internet site Yahoo!Personals. My heart is broken but I hang in there thinking things will get better. There were days when he would tell me the sweetest most romantic things. Then the very next day say the most horrible, hurtfull things.
Joe was extremely controlling. He constantly told me how to raise my daughter and live my life. I can see now that I changed so much for him. I stopped going to church because he didn't want to go. I jeopardized my job and eventually lost it due to emotional problems and constant phone calls that effected my work.
I was completely devoted to him. I loved his daughter. I fought for more visitation with his daughter in court with him. I put so much of my heart into this relationship.
Two weeks ago Joe went into one of his temper tantrums where he is screaming and cursing and acting like a lunatic. Only this time he raised his hand to my daughter. I was terrified and called 911. I left Joe that day and moved back in with my Mom. It is definately the right thing to do. I just don't understand why I found myself in the situation. Why on earth did I hang in there, knowing he didn't want me anymore? I am a young (27 years old) attractive, educated woman. I have so much to offer yet I got involved with a man who was so controlling and emotionally abusive towards me.
Now, I'm living back at home with my daughter. Looking for work again. I know that I am extremely lucky to have such a supportive mother who will let me move back home. I just want to know how to avoid getting my heart broken all over again.
Re:Starting Over Again turning leaf: He laid a hand on your daughter? MORTAL SIN # 1!
Unfortunately this is a hit or miss world. If you were able to pick yourself up after the initial separation from the father of your kid, you can definitely do it again. U mentioned u didnt date for long before you moved in together. That in itself should warn you for next time.
If he gets more psycho in the coming days and weeks, please know you have the option of getting a restraining order against him. CAll your County Superior Court.
Re:Starting Over Again hurting: I see alot of myself in your story...I have realized that I am a "co-dependent". look on the internet for info on co-dependency, it really makes you see the situation more clearly. I think you would really benefit from this. Many many women are co-dependent and it's not healthy for you. you have to take care of yourself and your needs before you can help anyone else. Check it out - it doesn't hurt. Here are a couple of links, but I am not sure if we are supposed to post links here
http://www.recovery-man.com/coda/
www.coda.org
I feel for you so much...I have been through the very same kind of situation
Re:Starting Over Again magsinfl: Thanks for the links "hurting". There was some great information there. I never used to be a codependent person. Actually, when I was in college, men thought I was too independent. Then I got involved with a few very controlling men. I'm just too nice. I let them tell me what to do and that was wrong. I know that now. My daughter is my first priority and beginning a new life for us is the most important thing. I know I will be so happy to be able to support myself and my daughter without any help.
Thanks again for your words and encouragement.
Re:Starting Over Again BlindOracle: Yeah you definitely did the right thing.
I'm completely in awe that some people can be SO different on the outside, and once you're in a relationship...they turn into satan incarnate...
