Fall in love with somebody else while still married?
Fall in love with somebody else while still married? considering: Long story short.. I think I've gone and fallen in love with someone else while still married to my husband. We've been separated for a few months now -- my idea. We agreed we could date (though he said he wouldn't) and I ended up spending time with someone from work who I'd been friends with.
The crazy thing is that despite this rather huge wrinkle, I'm not utterly convinced it means the end of my marriage. Am I just in indecision limbo? I mean I've been feeling emotionally disconnected from my husband for some time now, but I still have days where I want us to work things out. We've been together for 10 years now. (I'm 30) I just can't fathom not having him in my life.
JASPER: I don't know considering this is a tuff one.IMO I think it's really easy to fall in love with the idea of someone new.I know the feeling of feeling unconnected to your ex but you must decide what it is you want because your not going to be able to have both.
You said you guys have been together for 10 years now so of course it is hard picturing your life without him because your so use to having him around in it.
Are you and your ex still seeing each other? Does he know about this other guy? And if so how does he feel about the marriage?
considering: Well... I have thought about the ease of falling for someone new. This guy is a 180 from my spouse -- ambitious, very affectionate, confident, outgoing, etc. (But I do also recognize he has some problems -- issues he knows he needs to work out)
The good thing is he's moving. Despite my sadness, I do recognize it'll give us both time to figure out what we need. (He's separated from his wife, too.)
My husband knows about this guy, but he doesn't know the depth of my feelings. I guess i'm sorta waiting for the OM to leave so I can reassess the situation.
JASPER: It kind of sounds like and please don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like your waiting to see if it works out with the new guy if it doesn't then you might want back into your marriage. I think your ex is kind of like a security blanket for you you never answered when I ask if you guys still see each other?
I mean if your not working towards fixing your marriage then how can you ever fix the problems that seperated you two in the first place. Unless your not really trying to fix them.
And if thats the case why have the ex waiting with the hopes of working things out if thats not what you really want.
considering: Yeah... sorry... I realized I missed that part. Yes, we have seen each other. Our separation is very amicable.
You may be right. If I'm to be honest with myself, my H has always been a security blanket of sorts. Our therapist told me one time that I describe his like I'd describe the family dog -- reliable, faithful, loyal.
My big problem is... I have no clue what a marriage is supposed to be. My H is a great person. Intellectually I see that. And it's not like it's been awful -- we have some great times together. But there are just things that I've come to know about myself and what I need from a marriage that I don't know if he can/will deliver. For instance... last night we discussed my need for affection and more intimacy. My H doesn't like to cuddle becuase, well, I kick off a lot of heat. (high metabolism) He sweats easily and he doesn't like it -- makes him feel self conscious. So, I asked him... Do you think you can learn to touch me more, show me more affection? I don't mind that you get a little sweaty. And he said... I don't know... Can't you understand that I don't feel comfortable when I'm like sweaty and hot.
We talk about our issues a lot. We try to see if we can work them out, but I just don't know.
I guess part of me just doens't want to work them out. I just want to find someone who fits the bill better, but I'm so scared of losing my bestfriend, I can hardly breathe when I consider being alone.