no further questions, your honor

no further questions, your honor fogbud:
these are allegedly real questions asked in a court of law.


Q. What is your date of birth?
A. July 15th
Q. What Year?
A. Every Year.

Q. What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A. Gucci Sweats and Reeboks.

Q. This Myaesthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A. Yes.
Q. In what way?
A. I forget.
Q. You forget? Can you give an example of something you have forgotten?

Q. How old is your son, the one who is living with you?
A. Thirty eight.
Q. And how long has he lived with you?
A. Forty five Years.

Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when he awoke that morning?
A. Where am I Cathy?
Q. And why did that upset you?
A. My name is Susan.

Q. And where was the location of the accident?
A. Milepost 499
Q. And where is Milepost 499?
A. Probably between Milepost 498 and Milepost 500.

Q. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in Voodoo or the occult?
A. We both do.
Q. Voodoo?
A. We do.
Q. You do?
A. Yes, Voodoo.

Q. Officer, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A. Yes Sir.
Q. Did the defendant say anything?
A. Yes.
Q. What did she say?
A. What disco am I at?

Q. Now Doctor, isn't it true to say that if a person dies in their sleep then they don't know about it until the next morning?

Q. Your youngest son, the 20 Year old, how old is he?

Q. Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q. Was it you or your brother killed in the war?

Q. Did he kill you?

Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q. You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q. How many times have you committed suicide?

Q. So the date of conception of your child was 8th August?
A. Yes.
Q. And what were you doing at that time?

Q. So she had 3 children. Were there any boys?
A. No.
Q. How many girls?

Q. You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q. And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q. How was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. By whose death?

Q. Can you describe the individual?
A. He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q. Male or female?

Q. Is your appearance here pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No this is how I dress for work.

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies are on dead people.

Q. All your responses must be oral OK? What school did you go to?
A. oral.

Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No.
Q. So is it possible that the patient was still alive at the time?
A. No.
Q. How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.


Re:no further questions, your honor i_sing_alone: I like the last one... heads in jars and all that jazz... ;D