SO CONFUSED! brknbtstrng: I met my husband before I was 18. I fell in love with him right away. I knew then that there was a lot about him that he kept to himself. I didn't think it was as much as I am finding out now. I have been with him for almost half of my life now -3 years and I still love him just the same. I think I am crazy for it though. He has always been very selfish in our relationship emotionally. I know that is just how he is and I love him anyway. Recently though things have gotten really really bad for me. I think he is finally trying to let me in on that part of his life he has always kept from me, but he is playing games about it. I am to the point right now that I dont even care if I "win" or not with it I just want to be happy. I dont think that anything is worth what he has been putting me through. He has even gotten more emotionally abusive (with a few days breaks here and ther) and I am actually afraid that it is beginning to go even farther than that. I have found myself runnig back to drugs to numb myself, and I KNOW that is not what I want. I am done with that. He can be the most amazing person in the world when he wants to, but he can also be the worst. It's like GOD vs the DEVIL all in one man.
I am at the point now where I will not play any more of his games, he HAS to come straight out and talk to me or I will begin to find a new home on monday. I know he wont do that, I am sure he has his reasons, but I am to tired of hurting to care what they are.
I am so worried also because I do not make very much money and I can not afford to take care of myself and my children and an apartment on my own. He wil take care of the kids, he has said so, but I dont want any more than that. All I ever wanted from him was his heart, I dont want any money from him now. It would almost feel like some kind of conselation prize. I feel SO TRAPED! I dont know what to do. All I want is to keep my family, but not this way. Anyone have any advice? ??? ??? ???
Re:SO CONFUSED! Chey: Brkn, your story is very heart wrenching. It sounds like you are hitting a few brick walls in your life right now.
I think the thing that stands out for me the most is you giving him too many empty threats. "If he doesnt talk to me I'm leaving by Monday". He doesn't believe you anymore. He's hedging bets that you wont know what to do, that you will be overwhelmed by the enormity of leaving and the strength it will take to do it. He's counting on you being too weak to do it, and too intimidated.
I think for yourself, a step by step plan is needed. You do have children so leaving will not be as easy as it was for me. Giving yourself a break and understanding that you do not have the luxury of just walking out the door on him will allow you to breath easier for a minute.
Where are your family located? Do you have local support of any kind? Options on work? Friends you can rely on for a bit? A place where you get your thoughts together and remember that you're not someone's kicking post. You're a worthwhile human being and you deserve to be treated better.
Please talk to us and we'll try help as much as we can.
Chey
Re:SO CONFUSED! brknbtstrng: I know, you are right. After I read your reply (because I hadn't told him I was going to start looking for a place yet) I went and tried to talk to him about it. I told him I am not happy with the way he is handeling our situation and he is treating me like I am an idiot. (I was a little bit nicer than that) He used those exact words "I don't thin your strong enough". I don't know, maybe I'm not. I just want to be with him so badly but I have been finding myself daydreaming about how much happiness and how much more fun I would have in my life if I wasn't with him. I am not just unhappy, I am soooo bored.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. Maybe I will talk to someone and put the papers bak in the folder for a while. At least until my head clears a little more. I really think I am leaning to being single.
