Please Help Me Understand? daddy2040: I have been together with my wife for 10 years, married for 6. We have three beautiful children (girl (6), 2-boys (4 & 2). We recently seperated because for the past few months I have been letting her go out with friends and giving her some freedom only to find that she slept with another guy.
She is a stay at home mom since 1999. I never go out because I don't have any friends. I work so hard, come home and clean the house, do the laundry and take care of our children by myself 4-5 nights per week. When I tried to communicate and tell her how I felt, she just left and went out anyway. So I left. I would not stand for that.
I love her so much it hurts. She says she needs her space. I told her she had the last five month, what more does she need? I can't believe she did this to me. The first couple of weeks I was begging to work this out. She didn't want to hear it, so this week I went out myself for the first time and now I told her to take all the time she needs.
All I did was have a couple of drinks and talk and now I feel guilty. Is that right?
Re:Please Help Me Understand? reck: [quote author=daddy2040 link=board=1;threadid=11567;start=0#msg93904 date=1116189690">
She says she needs her space. I told her she had the last five month, what more does she need?
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Hate to be harsh but what she wants is to try it without you, but keep you as a safety net.... unacceptable.
You have to be strong. Whatever way you do that you will have to decide, but looking weak is an unattractive look in attempting to get her back. Weather you will later want her back or trust her again......again only you can decide.
Unfortunately these relationship problems we are all experiencing are like death......we all have to face it alone. This forum is really about the blind leading the blind, the real value here is knowing your not alone (yeah i know....ive contradicted myself :) )
If this was a car repair forum we would all be sitting on the side of the highway with our broken down cars hugging each other :)
Re:Please Help Me Understand? jimloveless: all you can do is give her space. and yeah, let her know she's welcome to take all the time she wants, but both you and she needs to realize that she may end up taking too long. I couldn't expect any husband to patiently sit on the sidelines while his wife is doing whatever she pleases with whomever she pleases.
I feel your pain, though. i always told my wife that i'd always be there for her. i always WANTED to be there for her. problem is, the only way they learn is when they don't have you any more. You seriously need to give up on her all together before she'll be able to recognize what she doesn't have any more and before you'll be able to recognize that you are strong enough to live through this horrible experience.
IM me any time if you need a friend to talk to, and God bless.
Re:Please Help Me Understand? Chey: Gosh I'm not sure how not to sound harsh here, but you've been her welcome mat for a very long time it sounds like. Perhaps this might be a good time for you to re-evaluate yourself and try regain some of your own life. Youve been very focused around taking care of the childern and her that it seems you've lost yourself along the way.
I know this hurts a lot, but begging and pleading is not going to work. It will only drive her away. You will need to be strong now honey. Do everything "right" for you. Nothing in your posting sounds very healthy for either of you.
what are you doing right now to take care of yourself?
Chey
Re:Please Help Me Understand? reck: If she wants to stand out in the blizzard, or the sun, what ever its going to be for her, its not your job to hand her a jacket or stand there with the shade umbrella……theres no magic bullet here, its about your own personal survival
