Week of reflection... EfemII: Hi everybody.. once again I find myself scanning the stories and not having much insight for anyone at this time. I don't know if it's the end of summer thing happening, but I just got kicked in the arse this week with old feelings for my ex.
This past weekend I opened up a box full of memerobilia of stuff from my past.. awards, pictures, etc... amongst those were about 10-15 cards from my ex when we first dated. When I had first glanced at them, I didn't give em much thought. After the 3rd time I looked at them, I found myself in a time warp... started thinking about our house, dog, neighbors... kind of a numb feeling.
I didn't have any emotion over the whole thing, but the one thing I wondered was how much has she moved on with her life. I thought about our accomplishments together, and also the hard times we got through.
I've wondered how she now gets thru a normal day. Who does she go to for advice? What's her routine? Is she wrecking another guys life right now? Is she full of $hit in another relationship?
Well, after I had thought about those things, I looked at my own life right now. After a year of being totally single I still have a ways to go before I feel right with myself. I'm moving forward and stuck in the past at the same time.
I feel like I'm stuck.... not going anywhere... but where in the hell do I wan't to go? It's been an awful week, cause I haven't had this much going thru my head at one time. What got me thru the last several months were goals I had set personally, financially, and spiritually.
I'm on the cusp of going down to Mexico with some friends next month, and in a week I'm flying down to Florida to be with family. I think it's just a funk, but does anyone else get these feelings from time to time?
I feel like I could play an old CD we both listened to and just sit in a transe all day remembering all the good times we had. I feel like such a freak, cause it scares me how much is popping up in my mind. I miss what she was when we were in love... I miss what we built together... I don't miss her falling out of love with me... I don't miss the collapse of our marraige and of our life together.
I hope this is just a phase that everyone goes thru from time to time because this is just plain scary.
On a side note, is there anyone else here that hasn't spoken to their ex more than once or twice since their divorce? Have you written or tried to get in contact with your ex, or one of their family members? I've had the urge big time, to write her mom and tell her how much my life has changed... but then again I feel like it's just a bad idea.
any thoughts? JimB? Galil? Brian? anyone else?
Re: Week of reflection... Brian75034: efem,
I have not spoken to my ex one time since the divorce. As much as it saddens me to think that she thinks im not worth even talking to ever again, it probably for the best.
Yeah, ive had an huge urge to talk to her again. Its tough to resist. But I ask myself "what would it accomplish? Anything good or productive?"
What would we talk about? Do i REALLY want to know how her life is going? Does she really care at all what Im doing?
I would think, unless there are children involved or some financial issues that both need to take care of, its best to never associate with the ex again.
B
Re: Week of reflection... atd74: Efem,
I agree with Brian wholeheartedly. My ex and I rarely talk - most of our issues have been dealt with and if we do end up talking we only argue and tear each other to pieces. I believe we have talked three times since the divorce in May. I know that I am very happy with my new life and when my ex rears his ugly head he only ends up upsetting the happy balance I've created in my life.
Is it possible you are looking for some vindication when you say you want to write her Mom and tell her how good you're doing and how your life has changed for the better? I had those thoughts at first. I wanted his family to know what really happened and I think I just wanted to have the last word as well because he hurt me so terribly... I didn't want him to be filling their heads with his delusions of what he says happend. After awhile I realized that I knew the truth and so did my family and friends who supported me and that's all I needed.
Re: Week of reflection... notmyself: so i talked to him the other night. kind of feeling, i don't know, melancholy. i am already moving on with my life, but i was just sort of thinking. so i called him to address issues with our house, i need papers notarized, etc. so we are talking like friends, blah blah blah, and i ask him if it ever feels like none of this is real, not actually happening. yes, i am a total @ss for even opening that door, but still i did. he agreed, that sometimes it is like this is some parallel life and not his. whatever, whatever. i got, for the slightest moment, a little upset, and ask what happened. he has no answers. i tell him that i know that he really knows that i was not dating my current bf while we were still together. he tries to say that to displace the blame from him for the collapse of our marriage. we proceed talking about nothingness for a few more minutes. then i ask him about the $100 he still owes me. i have been so nice about the whole deal, letting HIM out of the spousal support he is supposed to be paying me. so i ask and he returns to be the usual f**ker that he is and i am quickly reminded what i NEVER want to be with him AGAIN!!!! he claims he has no money, whatever! so much for a moment of reflection.
Re: Week of reflection... atd74: notmyself,
UGH! I know what you are saying. During the divorce I was being the adult and trying to be reasonable... to no avail. He'd be amicable one minute then turn right back into the "fuc***!" you say yours is being.
It's not worth it to be nice... ::)
