My first 'relationship' redsuitcase: I now know there was a lot in the circumstances of dating the man I dated (long distance), with the ex and the five year child, that set our relationship up only for disaster, HOWEVER...I still think it's crap to tell me one week he's 'not ready for a relationship' and to turn around and start dating someone new the following week. It's also crap to use 'not being in love' as a rationalization for treating someone horribly.
I don't regret my naivety in the infancy of our relationship, but I sure as hell regret getting used emotionally and physically towards the end.
So, I did the worst thing I probably could have done this weekend by going to see one of his friends play at a show...then hanging out with him (his friend) later on. It only sent me down a vicious re-hashing spiral. I really hope none of that shit gets back to him. (We'd both been drinking). Ugh. It's mildly uncomfortable in this town...now that I've moved back and don't have any real friends to take my mind off things. I'm doing better though...these past two weeks since last we talked. Work has been a blessing. The people there are mostly nice and fun...and I stay busy. I just can't wait until a month or so down the road when seeing his photo or hearing a lyric doesn't well me with any emotional response whatsoever. THAT will be a pretty day.
Since this whole 'breaking up' process occurred during the course of two months or so...I really HAVE forgiven him. I just want to stop thinking of him altogether, you know? Yeah. Ahh! I'm late for work.
