Can a "transitional" relationship work out someday?
Can a "transitional" relationship work out someday? belle0626: Hello. I recently ended a 10 month relationship with a man who was going through a divorce. We were friends through work before we went out & started dating 3 months after he moved out, filed for divorce & bought his own home. He also has a small child. I was clear from the start that I wanted to only date him if he was ready for a relationship. He was adamant that he still believed in love & wanted to move forward. He had problems with his ex wife for years & said he "felt divorced" already. As time went on, his divorce dragged on & on. She started to play hard ball with custody hearings, finances, etc. He also took a new job that keeps him away from home 2-3 nights a week. For the first 6-7 months of our relationship we talked of a future, of moving forward. We knew it was a few years out but nonetheless we both wanted it. Once the holidays hit & his divorce battle got more severe, he started to withdraw. The man I had dated was no longer. He became angry, impatient, intolerant, and very unhappy. His divorce was finalized in March. Although I saw a change for the better, we still never fully got "back on track." About a month ago we decided to split, neither of us really wanting to. I was unhappy that we had begun to slide backwards & our relationship had stagnated. He is just so unhappy with a lot and does not feel like himself. He now fears marriage (or at least is very uncertain of when he'll be ready) and his relationship with his ex is worse than ever even though she is now dating as well. We've spoken a few times since the break & he continues to say that he misses me and loves me. I suggested we try to date again, slowly & casually, but he said that he felt as though he'd be cheating me out of what I really deserve. This past week he went out on two dates. One woman was significantly older, the other was significantly younger. He did not tell me this but a mutual friend did. While he has not promised to "come back" to me (who knows what life brings), he told me that I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had, that I'm perfect, that he still loves me, that he respects me, etc. He's working on finding a new job, hopefully fixing his communications with his ex, and doing work around his home, also spending time with his son. We really do love one another. Although it hurts to know that he's "dating," (especially so soon!) I do understand what he's going through. My question for everyone is whether anyone thinks (or has seen) a situation like mine work out where in time the divorced person comes back to the "transitional" person. Were it not for timing, we both agree that this would not have ended. I'm not going to sit around and wait, but just wonder if I should even bother having any hope?? Does a divorced person ever go back to the "transitional person" or is my role in his life over, whether he knows it or not? Thanks.
some-guy: Well, I guess you'd have to clarify, for yourself, what your hopes are. If you hope to be happy, barring everything else, then stuff will work out as you move on.
If your 'hope' is be with this person--and it looks like it may not ever happen, then you have possibly engaged yourself in an iteration of hopelessness!
Have hope..live for yourself...don't worry about your role in his life, as he likely doesn't even know!
hudson: Hey belle,
Sounds like this guy you were dating couldn't handle being involved in two serious situations/relationships at once...meaning you and the wife. It get's to be too much. We humans can only handle so much.
belle0626: I understand why we had to break things off for now, my bigger question is whether anyone has ever seen a couple like us reunite? Does a person like my ex ever think back on the "transitional person" as a potential partner once he/she has stabilized....or quite frankly, was I used? (Not intentionally, of course.)
hudson: Where you used for what, belle? What do you think he used you for?