break up after 8 years cfor: Hi, i was wondering if anyone could offer me some advice or thier opinion? my now ex partner had been together for coming upto 9 years in oct, things started to go a bit wobbly due to me as i started to push him away sexually as i was having weight probs, he always said that my weight was nto an issue. Anyhow in Jan he told me that it was over and that he had been seeing someone else. He is 30 in nove and i am 29 in aug, i am only mentioning this cos the girl he is seeing is 21. He says he still loves me but is not in love with me, he satrted off saying we needed time apart and that if he came back to me it would be for good we just need time apart, he says he hasnt chosen her over me he has just chosen not to be with me. He wanted to stay friends and still live in the same house, this went on until 4 weeks ago when i said i couldnt live like that, he was going to see her on a tuesday night for a couple of hours then staying there on a friday night, she lives with her parents? he still has smost of his things at our house and he is still paying for half of everything, he wont tell me he is living with her but i dont think he will be anywhere else!!! I have pushed for the house to be sold in aug cant be done till then due to mortgage, otherwise he would just leave things. He has told his mum that he doesnt love her and that he cannot see a future with her, he enjoys being with her she is fun and bubbky but thick??? he says it is me that is saying that we are over for good all he has said that it is me who says it is me who says for good, he says that if we are meant to be then we will get back together but at the minute he is happy? he has said that if it means i can move on easier then treat it as if it is over for good.
i still love him very much and dont why he is dong this, why does he want to stay friends, he says that she accepts we will still be friends and that we will go out form time to time, if i were her i wouldnt cos i said that if we ever got back together that i couldnt allow him to be her friend although i couldnt stop him he has said that he wouldnt want to keep a friendship with her after such a short time. His mum doesnt think it will last as he has tol her that she wants more commitment from him than what he will give, what can this be if he is always living with her??
thanks
Re:break up after 8 years sourpuss: sorry you're going through this, but you are not alone here at ojar.
i think you should consider the possibility that he is just a big old coward without the guts to admit that he wants out. same problem my stbx has. he's living with someone else & still tells people we're "working on it" to avoid having to admit he wants out.
you're right about something, though, it will be much easier for you to move on if you believe it is truly over.
as hard as this time is for you, let him go. it does no good to pine.
and welcome, we're all here for you.
Re:break up after 8 years loshyra: I totally agree with Sourpuss on this one. Sound like a coward. My ex told his family that I was the problem. That I wanted out of the marriage and that he tried everything to get me back.... well hello OF COURSE I WANT OUT YOU HIT ME ALL THE TIME, why live with that. No you didn't try to change...you thought that hitting was ok until the end of the marriage.
It is a good sign that you told him that you couldn't live together in the same house. That is showing that you are needing time also. That you are thinking about what is good for you....not just what he wants.
It will be easier to move on if you truely believe that it is over.
And welcome to ojar...we are here for you....that is for sure
Re:break up after 8 years cfor: well i spoke to his mum last night and it appers that he is shocked that i have been looking for new houses, and alos he seems shocked that i am now going out more and getting on with my life, his mum said he went quiet when she said well you told her to get on with it. It seems as though he is regretting what happened, as everytime any plans are mentioned that we did have for later on in the year he just says we dont know what will happen. His mum is not certain that he is living with this girl??? what could be the more commitment thing that she is after??? she wont get it i couldnt change him in 8 yrs shes got no chance.
