Help -- Something out of the twilight zone rss: Dear All,
Some of you will have been following my posts. Basically, my gf of 7 years left me abruptly and in < 24 hours for somebody she found on the internet (I was in the know the whole time). While in the relationship with him, she was confused and doing a push/pull thing with him and me, torn between the two of us. This was driving me insane, and I had asked her for no contact for a month.
On Friday, she called me totally a mess. I asked her what was up, and she said basically she thought the new guy was a n addicted pot smoker. She knows nothing about such things and basically needed my help. I told her the signs to look out for and from the conversation it became obvious he was hooked not only on pot, but quite possibly harder substances.
She basically decided this was not what she wanted in life. She called me over for support and dumped the guy over the phone. I have never ever witnessed a break up but it was totally emotionless -- she cried a little but otherwise was totally fine! (like a robot!).
The 'twilight' part is this. This guy is 90% identical to me! She kept on telling me this in our conversations but I didn't believe her. I actually got to see pictures of him, hear his voice mails, read emails he'd sent. It was like looking at a mirror reflection of myself. From expressions to dress sense, to mannerisms to taste. Me, me, me, me. So similar it was scary. What are the chances of that?
This relationship she had with him was 6 weeks long (long distnce) -- 10 days of actual physical contact, but VERY VERY intense (she claims equivalent to 2 years). I can see why, it was like a drop in replacement for me.
Anyhow, it ended and in front of me she acts and behaves like it never ever happened. Like the whole episode didn't exist.
I am very confused now as to what to do. I know she was emotionally and physically involved with the guy. I don't feel anger, hurt or pain. All I feel is no feeling. It's like 'it's done -- can't change it -- too bad'. She is actiing with me like nothing happened. I on the other hand know I should feel SOMETHING but I feel nothing about it. I am happy to have her in my life again (a lot) and I do love her. However, I'm a bit afraid that I might be repressing feelings or that somehow I should have SOME feelings.
Also, I don't know what to do to rebuild the relationship. She wanted to start off exactly where we left off (including trying to seduce me 3 hours after she broke up with him). I don't need that. The way I reckon is that we should be best friends, because we always were -- take time out apart and together. And see where it goes.
Has anybody encoutnered such a situation? Also, how do I go about rebuilding this relationship?
Thanks
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone So_Lost: I think it is kind of odd that you have no feelings about this at all. If I were in your shoes, I would tell her to go to hell. This is another clear cut case of "the grass is greener", and you are just a temporary place holder while she finds the next chump....
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone ajw: i think you will find her dumping the boyfriend in front you was a test,ringing you for an advice about his drug problem was a crock of shit,she'd just realised she had made a mistake and she was frightened she'd end up alone so she's made sure she has you to fall back on before she dumps him.If you'd told her to go F**k herself then she'd never have broken up with him,drug problem and all.
I think some time apart from this woman would be good,i know this is the moment you have been waiting for so you can swoop in and save her,but she's only caring for her own feelings here and not yours.
The only problem with time apart is and i'm sure you realise this...after the initial tears(and there will be a lot of them) within 2 days she will have a new boyfriend or be back with druggy.
Its a tough one and you seriously need to sit her down and let her know how much she hurt you,if she loves you she will listen.
Good luck
Andy
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone ChiefWiggum: Flip back to the day you started dating her. If someone told you "this woman is a cheater - she will cheat on you" would you still have dated her?
[Answer before continuing...">
Well, you're considering dating her again. And let me be the first to tell you "this woman is a cheater."
CW
Re:Help -- Something out of the twilight zone jtim10: I agree with Andy 100%. I think you should make her prove that she made a mistake and really loves you. I'm not sure about your lack of feelings, I would be verry upset if it was me, maybe you are repressing your feelings as some kind of a sub-conscious self defense mechanisam. You might want to talk to somebody about it, things like that tend to snowball and when they do come out it's not pretty!
