Advice Needed hurting: My ex and I split up in April and had no contact for the whole month. Since May 1st or so we have been back in contact slowly and trying to work things out. Things have been going very well between us. We have been making alot of progress. There has been alot of stress on both of us. He has a new business and I got promoted to a much higher position. I have been struggling with being more independent and this has been a big problem. I was always the major bread winner..My attitude was always what's mine is yours etc etc. I have lent him money over the past month..and he has made some paybacks..but still owes me quite a bit. So - now here is my question and I need advice on this. He calls me this morning in a panic because his phone bill is really late and it's a business line that's advertised in the yellow pages, so it's really important. He needs to pay the bill by Monday or they will disconnect it. He didn't come right out and ask...but he knows I have the money..Deep down I don't really want to lend anymore until he pays back what he already owes..but I feel really guilty about that. He wants to move back in in Aug if everything goes well until then...I feel like I am being selfish..but I always was financially independent, and I have worked hard to have what I have. I don't know if I should lend the money or not. Should I let him deal with it on his own? I have always been the rescuer and I know it's not good...but we are talking about his source of livelihood being cut off...it's a pretty major thing...Does anyone have any advice for me? anyone had similar circumstances??
Re:Advice Needed pauly: Briefly the most plausible thing for you to do is lend him the money.It may not be the right move but you mentioned he is reliant on this.
I would say lend the money with some strict conditions.I also hope you work things out.
Re:Advice Needed jtim10: I think it would not be a bad choice if you have the money to lend. But there may be a issue there that you both should work on if he is dependant on you to bail him out, he may not make the best choices. People tend to be careless if they have a safety net.
Re:Advice Needed BMS: I had issues with money with my wife. She finished school last November and has been living with parents rent free since then. I finished school 3 1/2 weeks ago. Three days after moving into our new house, she wasn't sure how she felt about me any more.
To be brief, I made the decision to move some of the money out of our joing account $3,500 to be exact and end the relationship. It was money from my tax return and there was still over $10,000 more in the account so I didn't clean her out. She went loco. She was livid that I took the money, but at the same time it was the first time she had said she wanted to work things out.
I wan't sure if she was just trying to trick me into putting the money back. I thought to myself, if I put the money back and it saves my marriage then it would be well worth it, even if I do lose it. So I did.
Things certainly aren't perfect for us but we, mostly me, are working it.
So if you are willing to GIVE him the money then give it to him. If you are only willing to lend it to him, then have him sign a paper indicating that he will pay you back all of the money he owes you in full.
Re:Advice Needed sourpuss: even he weren't your husband....would you lend him the cash?
i can only give you the same advice i give everyone about lending: do not lend money to anyone UNLESS you can afford not to get it back.
on the other hand, if he's coming back, how will the money be handled then? if you still want things to be "what's mine is yours", do you really still expect him to pay your back? i find your situation a bit odd.
