did something stupid wowee: So after a hard day of e-mails from him yesterday telling me how great I was as a wife & how sorry he was I did something stupid - I let him know he was hurting me. I know I am suppose to be pretending to move on & he probably gets a kick out of hurting me, but I told him I was devastated still & the thought of him happy with anyone else still kills me inside. Now I am regretting telling him & I feel like I have just given him back all the control. He has always been able to control me & I just handed it right back to him on silver platter. I absolutley positively will NEVER reconcile with this man, so why can't I just move on & not let this hurt me so much & for goodness sake why can't I make him think I am happy & over it instead of giving him the satisfaction of knowing he can STILL hurt me? :-\
Re:did something stupid Samarra: It's because you're a loving and caring person. Don't beat yourself up over it. You allowed your feelings to come through for him...now he knows...he probably did all along.
There will come a day when you no longer care so much...where your feelings are not so raw and exposed. There is no set time limit, we all heal at our own pace. It is not stupid or dumb or something to be ashamed of. Be kinder to yourself. Celebrate the fact you have these emotions to give...next time...hopefully you will give them to the RIGHT person.
Re:did something stupid Spectrum: I wouldn't look at it that way, wowee.
We tend to think of people who cheat on us as being cold, unfeeling people. In reality, they are mostly just selfish people who do things and blame them on other people.
They still have feelings, however. And if he is still contacting you telling you that you want him back, I guarantee that he felt a serious twinge reading about how much he hurt you.
My ex cheated on me multiple times, but he still loved me and did everything in his power to try to get me back. Shoot, he still calls periodically just to check on things and see if he can get another crack at winning me back.
He went through some serious misery during our divorce process because I told him on a regular basis how much he hurt me and how he screwed things up by cheating. Of course, he consoled himself by continuing his relationship with the OW, but that's something else entirely.
In any case, telling him that only gives him control if you SEE it that way.
Spectrum.
Re:did something stupid wowee: Thanks Samarra & Spectrum, you both make good points. I've always known he was a selfish person, I just never realized the extent of his selfishness. I know I deserve better eventually -although I feel sorry for any man who would want to be with me at this point. They will have to fight an uphill battle to break down the walls of mistrust & fear of all men that I now carry ontop of my shoulders weighing me down daily! He is suppose to call tomorrow to talk to our son & I just hope I have the strength to be unaffected by him or the sound of his voice.
Re:did something stupid Samarra: You will have the strength....you will. Keep saying that to yourself.
Sweetie...we ALL come with baggage from earlier experiences...not a one of us is without a flaw. Don't feel sorry for any man that has to deal with you. I feel that way Sooo many times...but in the end I realize...that anyone worth my love will understand and be willing to go through anything with me...as I would with him. That means you found the right one.
