ALIEN ABDUCTION INSURANCE POLICIES
By MARIE BOUVIER
ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, Fla. -- If you've ever worried about who will take care of you and your family in the event that you get abducted by aliens, there's good news -- you can take out an alien abduction insurance policy!
For centuries, helpless people around the world have been kidnapped by hovering spacecraft, subjected to mental and physical exams, and returned to Earth with only vague memories of the experience.
In the past, people who were kidnapped by aliens came back to face trauma, disbelief and lost wages. But now, these victims have a way of protecting themselves and gaining peace of mind, for a small price.
The very first company to offer UFO abduction insurance was the St. Lawrence Agency in Altamonte Springs, Fla. Owner Mike St. Lawrence read Whitley Streiber's true-life novel Communion in 1987 and learned about the threat of alien abductions.
He thoughtfully checked his homeowner's insurance to see if he was covered, and found he wasn't.
With the help of international investors, he added UFO abduction insurance policies to his existing agency. The $10 million policies offer payment for medical coverage, including psychiatric care, in the event of a physical abduction by alien spacecraft. They pay $20 million if the policy holder has an alien child or is eaten by aliens.
"I'm very open-minded about it all," Mr. St. Lawrence said. "I've actually approved two claims for payoff." Prominent policyholders include actress Shirley MacLaine and a Harvard professor who has written extensively on aliens. Demand is still high. "I never would have imagined I would be selling these 15 years later," he said.
In fact, the business is so good that several other companies have entered the market, offering policies that range from $10,000 to $10 million. Coverage varies from company to company. Smart shoppers will look for a company that has a good business record, a reasonable cost for coverage, and a wide range of benefits.
The thought of aliens swooping down, stealing you from your home and taking advantage of you can be truly terrifying. But the investment of a few dollars might insure both your family and your peace of mind.
St. Lawrence considers UFO abduction insurance to be a smart investment. He advises anyone who thinks they might be at risk to seek coverage, before it's too late. "I've heard too many chilling stories," he says.