Re:New member, my story jenn2be: I'm going to have to say that Blaze was harsh. You are in charge of your life and obviously things are very hard for you right now or you wouldn't be on this site at all. I can see that you are torn and don't know what to do. I suggest that you get counseling from a professional and work through your issues, even if it doens't work out in the end you will be a better person for dealing with things, and you will know that you tried. In the end the decision is yours, and you do have support here. A therapist can also help you learn ways to get across to your husband exactly how you feel in a positive non threatening way, which may be just what you need.
Keep your head up!
Re:New member, my story jimloveless: blazin makes a good point, but i also know what it's like to lay in bed alone until 4-5 in the morning because the spouse is 'clubbing' or with friends or doing who know's what... night after night... for years...
working through this situation is going to be difficult for both of you and there will need to be concessions made on both ends. as blazin mentioned, some of the things you talk about do come off as nagging. marriage isn't only about who works more or who pays his/her fair share... though that can be frustrating.
get to the point where you can speak to him as freely as you're speaking to us. when you talk to him, do your best to be calm and not use pointed arguments that are only meant to lay blame. Write stuff down so you can organize all the things you need to talk about. listen to what he has to say, and if he gets defensive/hurtful, do your best to call him on that without resorting to anger/frustration/defensiveness.
New member, my story eleysia: This is my first post and I am so glad I found this forum! I hope I don't get too long-winded....
I am a 28 year old woman. Been married for 4.5 years, together 7. For the last year things have just changed. We got along so well because we were both home-bodies. We would stay at home, watch movies, hang out, cook, etc. Well about a year ago he started up a website and it has taken up so much of his time and completely changed him. Now he is going out much more than he used to, has a whole new group of friends and I feel like he has become someone else to me.
No more romance or sparks between us. I love him dearly but I don't feel like I am in love with him anymore. We work opposite shifts so sometimes I don't see him more than 30 minutes a day. The sad thing is that I feel so ambivalent about it. I don't miss him or even really enjoy being around him like I used to. I don't see him in the same way or feel the same about him when I see him. (does that make sense?) He is so oblivious that he thinks everything is just fine even though we haven't had sex in a month. So basically we live separate lives under the same roof. I know I need to have a serious discussion with him and need advice on how to do this. Everyone thinks we are the perfect couple becuase I am so afraid to admit to anyone that my marriage is in such trouble. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you!!!
Re:New member, my story eleysia: Well, since I am sitting here doing nothing I'l tell you a little more about my situation. When he and I got together he had goals, wanted to finish his degree, blah, blah, blah. Well none of that happened, He makes about half as much as I do and I admit that i resent him for that sometimes. We have a very nice home (which I paid the down payment on) and I work overtime to make sure we have nice things. He has never had a problem paying his fair share but he never has enough for savings. Last year he told me flat out he is never going back to school. I was really disappointed because he is such a smart guy. I feel like our goals and ethics are totally different. Here I am working sometimes 50 hours a week or more and he is messing with his website crap and going out to clubs with friends. Of course he doesn't see it that way.
Re:New member, my story kittenpants: I am sorry things have been so frustrating for you. I don't really have any great advice, but I read this book that had a whole section that I think might be applicable to you. Its called "Not Your Mother's Divorce" and it is specifically written for women in their late twenties, early thirties who are educated and have no kids. You might check it out.
Good luck!!
