Re:Thinking of the past.... faegonsgold: Thanks guys. Yes I realize it is part of my history and yes I do think of my childhood--at least what I can remember. I think I've surpressed my childhood and so I don't think of it much---anyway--that's another rabbit trail to visit later. The point is, is that it has been 21 months since I left him but yet I find myself thinking of him almost on a daily basis--with the exception of the weekends because I'm kept busy for the most part. I was the one who left and he is the one who hurt me, so by default I'd think it would be easier for me to not think of him. ???
I want to get this under control because even though it doesn't affect my current relationship, I don't want to risk the chance that someday it might. Things are going too good and I'm happier than I have ever been in a long long time. I just don't want to lose that.
Thinking of the past.... faegonsgold: I am not sure where this post belongs, so Michael feel free to move it to the appropriate place. here goes:
I have been divorced for a year and a half. I am with an awesome guy of 14 months now. We moved in together back in December. We get along great and have really come to know what real love is. But my question is.....when will my ex ever leave my mind? I find myself recalling memories more often than I really want to. It's not affecting my current relationship--it just bothers me. I haven't talked to my ex since October 2003 when I left him. On the outside, everything is going really well--awesome job, great bf, my first home, true happiness. But on the inside I sometimes feel like I'm about to lose it because "he" keeps popping up in my mind. I stopped going to my counselor a year ago, but I seriously think I need to start going again. (I stopped because I *thought* I was *cured*) However, finances are extremely tight right now and I just don't see how I can afford it.
What about others out there in Ojarian world. Do you experience this as well? How long did it take you to stop thinking about them so much? When do you say enough is enough?
Re:Thinking of the past.... jen: To be honest, I rarely spontaneously think of my ex anymore. Sometimes there is a specific reason - like this morning I had to mail him a check and certainly it comes up in conversation re: where I'm at since my divorce, etc.
I tortured myself thinking about him for a few months after he left. Then, I don't know...for me a switch turned in my brain and in my heart. Truly, it was like he just didn't exist anymore (maybe not the healthiest thing, but that was what happened)
I'd say enough is enough if you feel like those thoughts popping up are affecting the quality of your life now. If you can't let those thoughts go when they do come up and find yourself replaying things in your head, etc.
Re:Thinking of the past.... jillieb44: I'd say the switch flipped for me in the last couple of weeks -- emotional neutrality. Unfortunately I have to deal with him daily, but there's no emotion there. No nostalgia, no wishing him evil, no wanting him back, nada.
We dated a year, married for 14.5 years, in-house separated for 7 months, physical separation 3 months, divorce filed 2 months ago.
Jillie
Re:Thinking of the past.... Lumpy: Dear Faegons' Gold,
I think it's natural to a point...This person was a large part of your everyday life for years. As long as it doesn't intrude to much into your new life.
