Re:changing Lome: Good Luck!
many Hugs!
Find happiness daily...seek peace.
Re:changing jen: Ag,
Just wanted to send you many ((((((hugs)))))) as you work towards these goals. It is indeed very difficult to change the way we see and do things. And, it does take time.
I'm also so glad that you also recognize how much you have already changed! Remember that you have worked really hard to get to where you are thus far.
You have one great spirit as far as I'm concerned :)
mtmo
changing browngreen: I guess this goes here.
It's a new priority for certain.
I've been thinking a lot lately about changing.
I've been in school which has helped my brain, and I get a fair amount of exercise that is good for my body.
But I haven't done anything for my spirit, and with that third component out of whack... well, things just don't run as smoothly.
I need to add to it, and I need to change it. I thought I had changed. I was on my way. How quickly we fell back into our old roles, our old selves.
At one point I remember thinking it was a role I was acting out.
Now I see that it came from me, is part of me, and yes, it's out of my control (somewhat). I AM getting better.
At least I realize I am out of control now.
I'm just changing. It's no big deal. It is a time of transition and it will pass. once it settles.
Don't freak out about it, don't assume I'm in a bad mood... most likely I'm just detatched because I want to make sure my behavior suits the situation my eyes see... not the situation my brain interprets.
Like when my H unzipped our sleepng bags. He didn't do it to insult me, or stay away from me. He did it because he was hot.
See it for what it is. I need to quit filtering it all through some bitter filter that keeps mucking everything up.
Priorities:
See with my eyes
Don't judge a situation, person, etc
reroute the anger demons that want to burst, Deaden them. Put them away, find peace
when in doubt, resort to Peace
Celebrate my strengths
Celebrate OUR strengths as a couple
Every day, celebrate somethng positive. Concentrate on it.
Remember to forgive.
His moods have more to do with him than with me
Be reflective.
Stop feeling badly all the time. Stop taking the blame and stop apologizing.
Keep communication open.
But don't overburden him ith too much
Keep expectations low
Remember, you have the summer to get to know eachother again... and THEN you can be better informed if you think a marriage together is still what you both want
Remember, you don't have to fit a mold, you don't have to be with him to love him-- you can love him as a favorite hiking buddy and he can be that, and little else, if you want.
Friends is better than nothing.
Be thankful for what you have. Create each day to delightfully surprise you.
Re:changing browngreen: Hey thanks you guys.
I've been so off for so long now. I can't even remember what it feels like to have things go swimmingly along, or to feel like I'm even on the right track.
It's funny the way it's affected my life... I have an MBA but work for less than $10/hr and dont use the degree. Never have. What's wrong wiht that picture? I fully intended to use it. I havne't had the opportunity, I hear myself say. But woldn't I make one, if I meant business?
I'm thankful today that my son calls me while he's on vacation with his grandparents, and likes to talk to me.
I'm thankful still that I saw a black bear's shiny coat and many wildflowers, that I post holed up a snowy ridge to the top of a big mountain in shorts and tennis shoes. I'm thankful that I didn't get bitten by any bugs. I'm thankful that the weather was so nice we slept beneath the stars. I'm thankful that my H is in my life.
I'm thankful for connecting my mom with my friend who needs her advice.
I'm thankful for my dog who loves to be outside and is always ready to go.
I am thankful to have a little cozy house, and to just be renting it.
I'm thankful that tomorrow I get to voluneteer at the hospital and make a difference in someone's life.
I'm thankful that my patients like me and beleive I give themgood care, and prefer me- this is more important than being a good employee to me.
I'm thankful to have the summer to go work nights and play during the day.
I'm thankful that I can SEE.
bg/ag
Re:changing timetobefree: I love your posts. Very insightful and thought-provoking.
I especially admire the way you are working on yourself, your marriage, and everything in your life.
I really enjoyed your "I'm thankful for..." list at the end of the last post. I may have to start a new thread along those lines, if you don't mind my "borrowing" your idea.
Amy ;D
