I'm new, and my story is long. (Sorry) Jareth: I was cheated on. Pure and simple. She went overseas, everything was fine. Then she meets someone else.
I had this suspicion when I saw these cutesy comments on her blog from a guy there. Then clicked his profile, only to find the same comments by her. I thought it was way out in the open to be real. I beat myself up for it.
She gets back, she is distant to me. I have a weird feeling about it. She breaks up with me. Says I am a stranger to her now. She didn't break up before, because she didn't want to be alone. Now she feels she can. I feel like shit, because I didn't see this coming.
So I move out. I get this shitty feeling. I want to check her computer for evidence. I do feel bad for looking. I do find it. It's her kissing him in overseas. She led me on the entire time she was there.
She has had this happen to her before, and she had a huge problem with it awhile. She ended up beating him up. This is what confuses me about her doing this.
I am trying to work out being friends again. Yet sometimes I feel like a fool to do so. She feels bad for it. I feel bad, that she feels bad. Sometimes I get pissed off. I'm sure if I can really be her friend when that guy gets back here in August.
Thanks you in advance for any advice. I was trying to be more detailed, but I unable to do long posts. So a lot has been left out. Just ask if something isn't clear.
Re:I'm new, and my story is long. (Sorry) mophead123: I know all too well what you are feeling and brother it hurts...How people can be so selfish just boggles my mind. Especially the person you think so highly about and for and would do anything for. How could someone rip your heart out and stomp on it?
My ex wound up asking for some time off and while I sat there waiting and doing all I could to improve our relationship, find her a job, give her support, she strung me along like a string and told me she loved me so much and could never be with anyone but me. Meanwhile the whole time she was seeing this other guy, telling him she loved him...sleeping with him etc...She didn't have the courtesy to tell me. She finally admitted she was comparing the two of us. When I found out, through her email, I broke it off immediately. I have been in tremendous pain over teh past couple of months but am slowly getting myslef back together and gaining confidence once again.
I know you want to be friends with her, but what is the underlying reason. I thought about this as well. In the end will it make you feel better. Is it REALLY over between the two of you. Are you hoping to get back together and can you forgive her? If you really see it purely platonic then thats fine, but I definitely couldn't manage that. The best thing I did was the no contact rule. No email or phone since I broke it off. I figured if she really loved me she would come running back. Guess what? She didn't nor did she apologize. People who do this kind of thing in the end are just weak, selfish, and lacking self-esteem.
I apologize if I am being harsh, but I felt exactly what you are feeling. Even though I ended it, I felt dumped as it was him that she chose.
Re:I'm new, and my story is long. (Sorry) riversandlakes:
Same thing here. On a first business trip, and died. how naive can a 29-year-old get.
Said many things she can never take back, and she knows it. I'm not an elephant, but I remember the bottom line - i was hurt by the betrayal.
She was distant when she asked for "space and time". now i distrust "space and time".
You're saying this happened before, and she left (beat up) him? She's repeating it again. Why does it confuse you?
That question is part of the phase of grieving - being friends. Perhaps you should ask, what do you expect out of this friendship? HOnestly, is it not an excuse to hang on, hoping she will return?
The difference is that if you were hanging you can never heal and move on. if she comes crying back you'll be more level-headed to decide what is good for YOU...
it's "feel bad" time for both parties for maintaing the friendship. hence, why the hurt?
Re:I'm new, and my story is long. (Sorry) Jareth: Why do I want to be her friend? In a way I want the relationship to work in some way or another, then I get pissed at myself for wanting that.
She was cheated on before. She freaked and beat him up. It really screwed her up for a long time. She still is unable to think about it, without wanting to throw up.
I am confused by someone knowing how this makes somone feel, do it to another person.
I have removed her from my "friends" list. I have her removed from my IM. Now I just need to overcome that feeling of wanting to check her blog.
I think I have pretty much concrete on the no contact rule. My friends wouldn't screw me over in anyway like this, and I should expect that same respect from someone I am in a relationship with.
