No dating during separation Ilosther: So, we're on our way to a "trial" separation, or at least that's what I call it, and not the 18month separation preceding divorce. Tomato-Tomatoe, whatever you call it, it's still that she's leaving me.
But I asked her if we can agree to no dating during this separation since that would just complicate things more. I really didn't intend to anyway, and I don't think she was either, she has too much in her head right now to figure out. Plus, we already have our son, so it gets confusing enough.
But do you think that agreement can work? That no one dates, I mean, we are still married.
Anyone try this arrangement?
Re:No dating during separation jillieb44: Seems reasonable to me if you both agree. Is this a true trial separation with a chance of reconciliation? OR are you just postponing the inevitable?
I'm all for reconciliation if at all possible, so if that's where you think you're heading then the no-dating rule is a good one. You're right, why complicate things further?
Jillie
Re:No dating during separation Ilosther: I have hopes of reconciling, although she seems just too confused on things, and needs this separation to really decide. Although, I feel in her mind she has already moved far far away from this marriage and is already wanting divorce.
It hurts just saying that, so maybe I am prolonging the inevitable, but I still think things can be worked out, since our therapist says this is a GOOD marriage. I see it, hopefully she will with her time alone.
But during the time to myself, I will also prepare myself for her leaving. I mean, I'll give her space by moving out, but I'll still see her cuz of our son. I will never go away, I will always be her friend, I will always be her son's father. So how is she really going to get away from me? How am I going to get away from her? We have that bond of parenthood.
I still have hope, but once she moves out, it'll be out of my hands, or probably has been for a while. I found my wife by chance, and she might come back to me by chance. I will not date because she still is my wife, and I wouldn't want to screw any chance of reconciling if she can find happiness with me, again. Right now it's not about other people, it's about her finding her happiness within herself-I used to provide that, and I know I still can.
Re:No dating during separation Older Guy: Hope is a good thing - but be strong and get on with your life........Focus your hope on a happy and productive future, no matter what happens.......
I'm sorry to say this because i know that you're really hurting, but life is short. Take care of yourself and let her take care of herself. Whether you make a "no date" agreement or not will not stop anyone from doing what there heart tells them to do at any given moement. Its a reality. I doubt that she is hoping to bolt out the door and start looking for soemone to date. She just wants to take care of herself. Open the lines of communication, but to understand where she is coming from and to understand the situation as much as possible.
I'll hurt, it'll be frustrating, it will make you angry, it will etc.etc.etc. you get the point about the rollercoaster ride. I know because i;m in the same type of situation as well......But focus on moving forward and taking care of yourslef and your life. And when the time is right do something for yourself.
Good luck ! I feel for what you're gonig throguh.
Bob
Re:No dating during separation Ilosther: I just still have a haunting feeling there is someone else. But that's just me, I'm looking for reasons for all this, and I fear my paranoia of cheating is going to push her to it, even though she has said there is no one else. But I have just been honest about my feelings to her.
Such a horrible feeling to even think that, but when my whole life with her has been destroyed in 1 month, my mind just wants to search for answers. I agree, the body is weak and the heart will force it to do what it wants. I just hope I haven't pushed her to lead to cheating. But what can I do? I just have to sit by and watch how it all unfolds. When she moves out, I will have no control or knowledge of what she does on her own time. God, please, I hope I haven't already pushed her to another man.
Being on OJAR and reading stories of affairs doesn't make me feel any better, but I do believe my wife. Her leaving isn't to find another man, it's for her to find herself. Then why can't I stop thinking there is someone else?
sucky sucky feeling
