Re: I am a selfish ba***rd? JerniganReturns: You've taken a positive step forward in your willingness to change your dynamic. Whether it's going to be with or without your spouse, that change will still be positive. The good thing about Ojar is few people that have been around here long enough won't judge you for your past actions. It takes a big man to say, basically, "Yeah, I was a pretty lousy guy sometimes."
We all have our ugly moments. I know I've had them, though they manifested in different ways. You try by starting to have fewer of them and trying to empathize with the person toward whom some of your ugliness and bile is aimed. Why, for instance, did these behaviors present themselves?
I heard some talk about medication. I'm pro-medication, but be cautious, because if you're on the wrong kind, then that can sometimes exacerbate rather than alleviate some problems. Everyone's biochemistry is a little different.
Take care.
I am a selfish ba***rd? Repentant: After 12 years, my wife left me. We have 2 kids. It's been 9 moths now.
I don't blame her for leaving at all. I was abusive, both verbally and physically. Simple. And i deserve what I got.
She says she still loves me. She says she doesn't trust me (very understandable). Her mother hates me(also very understandable) and won't even let me come into the house when I pick the kids up every fortnight.
I deserve nothing. I know that.
Thing is, she says she still loves me.
I suppose I'm asking if I deserve a chance. I'm disgusted at myself for ever being hurtful- any measure of abuse is intolerable.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Re:I am a selfish ba***rd? Suddenly Single: I read your post when you first put it on and was thinking about how I'd like to respond but re-reading it I noticed you took out a few things I was going to respond to...that makes me curious why you did that or if I'm just going plain crazy and have this confused with another post!
.....I'm not sure how to reply because you took out what I was going to reply to! ummm....
Re:I am a selfish ba***rd? lookin4alite: Repentant,
First Welcome to Ojar, a community of support for all. You may receive negative criticism here as many are suffering a great loss as you are. Many here are the left behind similar to your wife. She gave alot for you and she didnot receive love at your own admittance. My question is are you in counselling to deal with your issues? If not that is the first place to start. Do you have issues with dependency such as drugs or alcohol. These issues must be resolved first. Then you may ask for her forgiveness and begin joint counselling sometime in the future. You are welcome here because you hurt and need support. But remember the injustices you have done to your wife and family.
Take Care,
Lite
Re:I am a selfish ba***rd? Repentant: Hi SS,
This is the part I removed before:
Since our breakup i have done a 6-month abuse councelling course, done personal councelling. In the last 3 months I have been especially polite and calm when I talk with her. Actually my whole life is calm and without anger. When I have the kids I am always saying nice things about their mom etc. I was seeing a lady (friends only) but my ex last week showed that she didn't like me seeing someone else. But, at times she seems to be finally over me and I've just arrived at being able to love her properly. I'm very confused as to wether I should let go.
Hi Lookin4alite,
I don't have any alcohol or drug issues.
