question about infidelity freovir: I don't really know where this belongs, so i'm going to put it here.
Is it possible to survive infidelity? I know you can slog ahead, but does it ever really go away? My own experience tells me that it doesn't but maybe i simply never knew how to forgive.... not that it matters for me anymore, but i read about people trying to work through cheating and I can't help but think it is a waste of time.
I'd really like to hear the thoughts of others on this.
--freovir
Re:question about infidelity WhiskeyGirl: I think it is possible if both people truely want it and both really try! Unfortunately what usually happens is the one cheated on holds back and holds in resentment and blame hoping it will go away without doing anything to resolve the problem ie. counselling. The other problem is so often the cheater only tries for a short while to regain trust and then expects it to be there strong as ever. Sometimes its because they are more sorry about getting caught than actually cheating and just want the trust back so they can get back at it......other times I think it just may be that they truely feel awful and every time they are cornered into talking about it or feel like you dont trust them its a brutal reminder of the pain they caused you and the mistake they made. Makes the situation so difficult because the one cheated on needs to talk about it over and over in order to try to understand, for some sort of closure....this makes the cheater feel attacked and blamed repeatedly, leading to fighting and hurt feelings on both sides. Working through all this is near impossible without the help of a marriage counsellor but it can be done. What it takes is complete honesty at all times, an ability to be empathetic to your partner even if you've been hurt, and alot of grit and determination. I know of one couple who made it through this and it seems they are stronger than ever. It was alot of work but I dont believe for one minute that either of them doubt it was worth it. Forgivness is a choice....you do make that choice to forgive or not. If you know in your heart that you can never forgive her...then there is no point, move on. Keep in mind that forgivness does not neccessarily mean yout trust is back 100% it simply means that you forgive them for screwing up, believe in your heart that they are sorry, and arent making plans to make them pay for it for the rest of there lives. For myself, I do forgive my husband, but I also realized after trying to work it out that he was one of those ones who was more sorry for being caught than anything else. I dont believe in the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" though. I think people can change and I think we are all only human, and that we all make mistakes. I know people who have cheated on there spouses, regretted it completely, never got a second chance and have spent years sad and alone because one stupid mistake (usually in a drink induced stupor) cost them the love of there life. Some say they got what they deserved, I am not one of them....there are people out there who do deserve a second chance, only you can decide if yours is one of them or not.
