Re: Is he insane? jillieb44: I hear ya. I hate mine, too.
Jillie
Re: Is he insane? dgiirl: How do I deal with a "Saint"?
My stbxh is extremely passive. He avoids conflict at all costs, and then when I get angry I'm the b*tch. His lawyer's been messing around for 3 months. My stbxh comes over to pick up his mail, and I'm extremely civil to him. I've been extremely civil this whole process and it goes completely unnoticed to him. No matter what I do, he will always see me as a b*tch. I complained about the lawyer and his response is "There's nothing I can do". I told him "You are extremely patient. I would have fired her by now" and his response is "Trust me, I know" with a disgusting smirk look on his face. I know I set myself up for that one. I was trying to be nice to him and he just subtle insults me. For some reason I'm suppose to be understanding and patient because he cant talk to his lawyer. He also makes a snide remark of "This isnt the only stress in my life". He always has stress in his life. I'm always the one who has to be patient, and yet he doesnt realize that I am being patient. All he sees is I'm a b*tch. Yet when I talk to my friends, they are telling me I'm handling the situation very well. They dont see me as a b*tch. They're actually surprised at how passive HE is. Of course, they might be biased, but I keep trying to look at our conversations from a third person, and what I would say if this happened to my friend.
He also went off that I sued him. I didnt sue him, I filed for a divorce. I called my lawyer and asked him and he said that was a funny way of putting it. Technically, yes I sued him. But I sued him for my money. He said he wouldnt call it sueing, he'd call it filing for a divorce. I explained this when my stbxh came over, and he goes "It's good. I'm happy about it because it put the fire under my lawyer". WTF?! Then he goes how cool it was when the bailiff came over at his work. This huge guy asks for my husband and points to sign for the papers. Yes, I did get enjoyment from hearing about the story. My stbxh and I have the same type of humor.
I'm just really frustrated. He has always seen me as this horrible person and I ended up getting into depression and anxiety because of it. Now that he left, I realized what was going on. I really dont know how to communicate with him. And it's only around him that I feel like a horrible person. There's absolutely no way to save this relationship. I've given him everything. I've never denied him anything and somehow I'm the one who takes and takes from him. He avoids conflict, he cant stand up for himself and I'm suppose to read his mind. He's a martyr. There's just no way I can win with him.
Re: Is he insane? jillieb44: dgiirl, it's him, not you. Passive agressive control sh*t. Lived with that too long. Also other oh so very subtle emotional abuse, yet when I called him on it I was 'making things up,' I was 'too sensitive,' 'lying,' etc.
It feels great to be out from under that cloud of tension where I was walking on eggshells all the time. ICK.
Be glad you're done with him. I unfortunately will have to deal with mine from here to eternity because of the kids.
Jillie
Is he insane? dgiirl: I think my stbxh is insane. I've read marriagebuilders and divorcebusting, and they talk about the "fog" of wayward spouses. Is this what they're talking about?
The first two months after the d-bomb he was adamant about me settling. He didnt want me to go to a lawyer before we talked. I went to see a lawyer, and he freaked out on me. He wouldnt go see a lawyer until I told him too.
After the first two months, I saw my lawyer and told my stbxh that he has to give me some numbers. He went to see a lawyer and came back the next two days saying he saw a lawyer and told me how the process goes. (Everything my lawyer already told me). I said great, i'm happy we're on the same page, now give me some numbers. He told me to give him a few days, his lawyer will write up a draft. A month later he comes back saying the same thing he originally did about dividing things up, but still no numbers. I told him listen, you want this divorce, you're going to have to give the numbers first. He said ok, give me a week, then another week, then another, then another, so a month after that he says his lawyer's mother is sick and dying in the hospital. So another two weeks pass, then my lawyer calls me up and asks what's going on, then tells me to come in and sign the initial divorce papers. One of us has to file. My lawyer believes my stbxh doesnt have a lawyer, and this draft thing sounds ridiculous. Plus, no lawyer would write up a draft and send it to the other lawyer until the initial divorce papers are signed (where the papers have to be hand delievered to one of the spouses). So i filed for the divorce, and the bailiff hand delievered the papers to the stbxh. I was nice and emailed my ex telling him to expect the papers. He emailed me back disregarding the comment and just said he wanted to come over and pick up some stuff. I was really busy and I didnt respond to the email right away. A few days later he emailed me saying he got the papers, and wanted to come over to pick up his stuff. That night I happened to have an emergency in the house, and I called him. He offered to come over right then and there. I accepted. He came over, looked at the problem, and basically didnt know what he was doing anyways, so it was pointless to ask him over. Anyways, I told him to take his crap. I had packed up a lot of his stuff and instead of taking it, he picks through it and says he'll come back another day for it. WTF, it's his crap and he wanted it, now he wants it another day? Now he emails me saying he wants to come over for his Tea and herbs? I dont drink tea, but he's going to drive all the way out here for TEA?!?!
Anyways, on top of this, the last month he's wanting to cancel the phone/tv/internet and move it to his new appartment. All the bills have been in his name, and so I asked him for the account numbers so I can call the companies to make sure I dont have any interupted service. All i asked was for the account numbers, and he goes off saying I want him to move the accounts into my name. I didnt ask him to do anything but to give me the account numbers. So after that tiff, I successfully got the account numbers, and got the tv into my name. Now with the phone, I asked him to just call them up and authorize the transfer. He responds saying he doesnt want to give me the account because he's had it for a very long time and doesnt want to get rid of it because it shows his credit history? All I want is the phone number in my name. Am I missing something? How does that make him lose his credit history? So he calls up the phone company and changes the address to his new appartment but STILL does not authroize the phone to my name. He tells me dont worry, he'll keep it active for as long as I want. (We'll be selling the house eventually, so until then he'll keep the line open for me).
On a side note, his birthday passed and I did nothing for it. The next day he IM me at work for something really really stupid. I told him to email me these things and to not bother me at work anymore. About a few weeks later, I called him for the emergency, and that was the first time he answered then asked how I was! Then a few days later he asked for the tea, and actually addressed the email with my name, instead of just hi. I'm at the stage where I look for these little pathetic clues to see if he cares and start to analyze them.
On the bright side, when he came over to pick up his stuff, I actually saw him and was thinking to myself WTF is wrong with me for crying over this guy? So the fog in me is starting to lift a little. Unfortunately, when i have no contact with him, I start to relapse.
Thanks for letting me rant :)
Re:Is he insane? enganada: sorry :-\. I guess its all we want to hear sometimes and prob. wont get. RANT on !! it sure helps me.
