Feelings of Losing it All robert98: I have to say that the feeling of having lost your wife without ever thinking it could happen is without a doubt the biggest nightmare of my entire life. To add salt to the wound I lost my (good) job of 4.5 years just seven weeks later. Here I am unemployed, living with my Dad and dumped by my wife.
I never in a million years thought I would be someone that my life would go from good/great to a total disaster. She left in late May. I came home from work one day and all of her stuff was gone and her cell phone disconnected. Weeks go by and I go to therapy but I think about her all day every day wondering how in the world could she do this? I didn't hit her, I didn't cheat on her. We were married in a Catholic Church where we looked into each other's eyes vowing to be with each other through thick and thin. Then in less than 300 days she bails. Yes I did some lame things but nothing malicious or intentional or cruel -- but now the only thing I have from her is from her attorney -- a service of dissolution of marriage. No note, no contact, no voicemail. Her parents won't return a call.
I think the biggest problem is how do you ever peel yourself up off the pavement after getting dumped and laid off and basically your life going to total hell. I swear would have NEVER predicted this happening to me. If you saw me before you might look at me as a kind, charismatic, successful, fit, white-collar person. Now I can barely get out of my bedroom or make a hair cut appointment.
Someone should write a new inspiration book with 20 chapters -- 20 case studies of people who had their life go from good/great and then in one fell swoop falls apart -- then how did they rebuild. Right now I need a book like that because I feel about as big as a bread crumb that just got smeared into a pile of dog crap.
:-[ :-/ :( >:(
Re: Feelings of Losing it All down2basics: Hey Robert,
What you are feeling is completely natural. I realize that may not be much of a consolation, but think about it...do you really want to live with someone who doesn't want to live with you?
I also can sympathize with the living with your parents thing...it's incredibly degrading! However, you can turn this into a positive thing by getting your act together and kind of "redo" yourself. You need to discover what it is that you want (be reasonable!) and then figure out a plan to acheive that goal...
You must also continue your therapy and then place your faith in God for he is in total control of your life and has only your best interests at heart. Again, I realize this may come as little consolation, but everything I've said is true.
Being dumped is hard, being laid off and dumped is the worst. However, you are still a "kind, charismatic, successful, fit, white-collar person"...that hasn't changed.
How long were you actually together? Was it a long courtship? How well did you know her? Is she bipolar or something like that? Did she leave with someone? Do you know where she is?
I am sorry, truly sorry that you are in so much pain and believe me - I can truly sympathize. I wish I had more encouraging words to give you right now. I can only tell you that is does get better with time. Time and The Lord are the great healers!!!
God Bless you!
d2b
Re: Feelings of Losing it All stormy1021: Robert- I know exactly where you are coming from. My husband and I separated at the end of May and it has been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster. I too would not do anything...I had little if not none motivation. But, I did get into counseling, which helped quite a bit. I was pushing the people that matters most (family and friends) away, but later realized I need those people to lean on. It's a shame on how she left you, but use that disappointment as energy and power to make better of yourself. I know, I know easier said than done. A good friend noticed me in the dumps today and she told me something that makes a lot of sense. I am of extreme value. Your mate should recognize and cherish that value, because as time goes on my value increases and by the time my mate realizes that value it may be too late, because believe it or not someone else already sees that value.
You are a valuable human being, so valuable that you owe it to yoursel to not disappear into a dark hole. Use this time to learn more about yourself and to love yourself because that is where the true value is.
Finally, pray, pray hard- God is listening all the time...He may not give us the answer that WE want, but he will provide us with the strength to overcome the challenges He sets before us...it's a test of faith.
Keep your chin up and don't forget how valuable you are!
Stormy
Re: Feelings of Losing it All Billsfan709: Robert,
I can totally sympathize..My marriage lasted 750 days..give or take a few..like you, I had no clue she was unhappy or anything was going on..call it lack of communication..call it blindness, call it what you will..one of us was happy (me), the other wasn't. I thought her moping was temporary, had more to do w/ other stuff, and it would all blow over..she acted "normal"..she shopped, she laughed, we made love, the routine..then we had a fight..maybe the second of our 3.5 year relationship..she says she regrets getting married, I'm a $!@#$@#, she'd glad we've never had kids..long story short..she said she wanted to work things out, but was clandestinely working the old boyfriend angle..I found out, busted her..and got her out of here quick..filed May 27..diviorced July 17..WOW..her not communicating with you once she left..I don't know if I'd like that or not..I'm sure you were thinking WTF? So was I..The thought ran through my mind repeatedly.."This CAN'T BE HAPPENING". I had some finality, in that she told me she loved another man, wouldn't work things out, and was unwilling to try..I got the old "I have no control over my feelings" B______T! We have control over our feelings from early childhood, or we are mentally ill (she is). In contrast to your situation..EX wanted to call, email, stop by, like she could split what I thought was a good marriage, and we'd be buddies..wasn't going to happen..to quote Wayne's World "No H-way!"
I digress..get back on your feet..think of yourself..moving back in with the folks is a "parachute"..that's what they are there for..I couldn't b/c they are 750 miles away, and I kept the house..think of this as a "get out of jail free card"..find someone else, once you've healed..treat them the same way..with a few changes, for the better..I bet..like, I HOPE FOR MYSELF..the new woman will appreciate what they have..most do..good guys DO finish first, eventually. Best of luck..email me if you want to commiserate.
Chris
Re: Feelings of Losing it All Carrie: Success stories about people "who had their life go from good/great and then in one fell swoop falls apart -- then how did they rebuild"... ...
I've read two excellent success stories recently - both quick and illuminating reads. It gives you new faith in the strength of us mere mortals and the value of never giving up.
"It's Not About the Bike" by Lance Armstrong
--As you may know, Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with invasive cancer when he was 25. He suffered through chemo and has now returned to win the Tour de France FIVE times!
"I Am the Central Park Jogger" by Trisha Meile
--Some of you may remember 14 years ago when a jogger was brutally beaten and left for dead in Central Park. Everyone thought she was going to die or at least be severely brain damaged. Remarkably, she has almost completely recovered and has gone jogging in Central Park in order to jog past the place where she was attacked.
Just hang in there. It's not impossible to recover from devastation. Sometimes I think that God is just giving me a big kick in the pants to helps me move on to bigger and better things. Never give up.
