Bigger Mistake than my marriage
But I need to write about a major mistake! I need some writing catharsis to release my pain. After dating a few women, I met a beautiful woman and fell in love. Great story right? Wrong...turns out she was married...starting a divorce. Ugh! Well long story short despite my best intentions, I could not pull myself away from her. But in the end she chose to go back to her husband and try once more. I guess they hadn't agreed to date or something because now he is pissed at me. Saying I wrecked their home. That was never my intention or goal. True, I love her but I insisted she be upfront with him. She never did.
So now I have the worst of all worlds. A jerk threatening me and another wound because of bad judgement. Feels like I'm trapped in the movie "Unfaithful"...I knew better. I can't say that I don't deserve it. I still miss her...it's amazing. That I could love somebody that way. I don't know if is a result of my own divorce or something else. All I know is I felt like I never had a choice in loving this woman. I just did from moment she spoke to me. I just let that overrule common sense.
I made mistake. Learn from it if you can. Run far and long unless the divorce is final. But you probably already knew that. So did I.
18Months :'(
Re:Bigger Mistake than my marriage JimB: Well, um, why do you deserve it? Because you fell in love with a woman who turned out to be married? Why so hard on yourself?
If anything, it sounds like she used poor judgment in terms of what she chose to tell her husband, or at least poor timing. Not quite sure how that is your fault.
Losing love sucks enough as it is, so don't beat yourself up for past mistakes. Enjoy the memories of the good times. And get a restraining order if the jerk husband is interfering in any way with your life.
Re:Bigger Mistake than my marriage galil: hah I went thru something very simlilar.
I had a woman come to my office and I could tell right off the bat she was going thru a divorce. I gave her this web site and that was about it.
I offered some help to her but for the most part was going to let her heal here.
Anyway she was attractive and very nice. She instant messages me and I could tell she wanted to go out with some peeps. So I tell her a group of my brothers friends and I are going out and she was more than welcome to come.
Anyway we go out get drunk and go out dancing to cap off the night. before she went with us I told her to make sure it was over with her and her husband. he left her BTW and was very nasty about it.
Well make a long story short she was too much for me to handle. we danced and it was like POOF we have to kiss and well you get the rest. Anyway I did not sleep with her but i wanted to see her some more. The next day she is getting back with her hubby and she told him all about our night ;D
So I have to go pick up something I left in her car that night and this guy just has to be there to try and start shit.
Anyway I got my stuff and left without letting him get to me.
I wanted to call this guy out for being a POS to this wonderfull woman but I bit my toung and was nice.
Anyway I was made out as well by both of them to be this guy that takes advantage of poor lonely women.
Huh when you look at it that way it kinda feels good hehe ;D J/K
Re:Bigger Mistake than my marriage 18Months: Follow up...it's been about 6 weeks since everything hit the fan. He backed off and I'd like to say I moved on. She continued calling me and sending me email until he checked their house phone. Now it's only email but it is getting less frequent. Their entire family is involved and now I'm the bad guy home wrecker.
I hate that because that was never the intent. I couldn't help that I fell in love with her but I could have made different choices. It is tough when a woman is in your face telling you what you want to hear. But ultimately, you have to trust actions not words. Today I'm still pretty sad about the whole thing but she is at home trying to make it work. I love you from her was not I love you forever, it was "I love you right now until things change and I change my mind". I never understood this about women. I think all women understand that inherently. I don't say it until I mean forever...but maybe I should take love a less seriously.
Being sensitive and telling the truth makes you vulnerable. In her words, her hubbie was aloof and insensitive but in the end...that is where she ended up. I think I made it too easy for her to cheat...no downside until she got caught. Now she is paying the price. Me too. I put to much energy into that relationship and it was doomed from the start. A year down the drain. Damn I'm sick of starting over. I'm definitely burying my feelings for a while in the next relationship. Of which I already have one but I haven't healed from the last. The transfer of emotion is slow. This has not been a fun few months. I am hurting big time...in some ways, worse than my divorce. At least I wanted that to end. I'm still in love with this woman, but it is not meant to be.
18Months
Re:Bigger Mistake than my marriage 18Months: She came to check on me this week. What does that mean? I guess she wanted to know if the door would still open for her. In truth it rips my heart out everytime I see her. This weekend was so tough but for some other reasons. All I know is last night I was hurting so badly for somebody to care about me. I thought I was past all of this stuff. I know I'm not healed yet. I hate not calling her. I could but it feels like a weak fix...I've got to tough it out. I never thought that ending a relationship outside of marriage could be so tough. I think I had too many dreams wrapped up in her.
This hurt has definitely spilled into other areas. Maybe I should not go there but I *need* to talk to somebody. My life is in chaos. I was seeing somebody else too...both women knew. Well the other woman (not married) came up pregnant. Same week as the hubbie found out...craziness. I told her I was done with the married woman and very much wanted to keep the child and give us a chance. She was at a different place in life. Well, I've totally cut off communication with the married woman but the second woman didn't care...she...she had an abortion Friday. Said I went to another level if I spoke about the married woman and she didn't want to compete. But she wants a future with me?
I was there...took care of her...helped her through something I didn't want or believe in. I so much wanted the chance to take care of them. Now I feel so empty. I lost a lot this week. No family here...nobody to turn to. Normally, I could talk about these feelings with the married woman...we were good friends. Actually she was my best friend...I wish I hadn't crossed the line. I can't tell my family about the abortion...they'd never understand. Maybe I will. I don't know. Right now, I wish I could just disappear. I never felt like giving up during my entire marriage or divorce...even through the miscarriages. But this, right now is too much. For the first time I've lost hope...hope in finding a woman I love who can love ME...I want that so badly. Hope in having a family. I just can't see it. I don't even know why I get up anymore...I don't have to be alone but I'd really like to be with somebody I loved, not just somebody. I'm truly screwed up and tired of being alone.
Help...please. :'(
