Re: I must be an idiot admin: Does this help,
http://www.chameleongroup.org.uk/npd/
I must be an idiot edgecombe: Finding this site today was definitely divine intervention. I have been in this shitty painful horrible relationship for over 5 years. I am too embarrassed to run to my friends and family with yet another tale of finding out my boyfriend is cheating on me. I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet for going through this for so long. My boyfriend has had another girlfriend for 4 of the 5 years we have been together. I have met her face to face, have talked to her on the phone, even e-mail her from time to time. But when I ask her what is going on with them, she nonchalantly and smugly says "ask him". Obviously, I do ask him, and he lies. I don't know where she is coming from but she is not going anywhere. I have sunk to the level of stealing and destroying the things she leaves in his house, and I feel very bad about it because I know she is a victim just as I am. Still, I can't stop myself from wanting to get back at her and hurt her. I feel like this whole experience has made me a total bitch. I'm moody and unstable, spend most of my day obsessing over this relationsip and basically why he doesn't love me enough to stop cheating on me. He always insists that he really wants to be with me, and the two of them are just friends. He constantly tells me he is going to get her out of his life so that we can move on with our relationship, but it never happens. I keep finding her stuff at his house and he always cuts his phone off when he's around me- or when he's around her. I have screamed at him and hit him for cheating, cried to him about feeling like my heart is broken, cursed her and him out, threatened to cheat on him, begged him to leave me alone. We've had physical altercations where we both end up hurt. I tell him that I refuse to be with him if she's going to continue to be his "friend". He says no problem, but again it never happens. And somehow, we always end up still together but nothing changes. I am 26 and he is 37, she is 38. I feel like I am being used and I'm miserable about it. My question is, if he feels like he can't let her go and he really wants to be with her, why won't he let me go? I recognize as I write this that there is no answer. My second question is equally futile. Is there anything I can do to make him break up with her and be with me and only me?
Re: I must be an idiot mine: if you are an idiot....then i am too
Re: I must be an idiot getting_rough: Edge,
I have been in this same exact situation. You are talking word for word about my first love. The only thing different is he lived with me. I was still in Highschool and moved out of my parents house to get an apprtment with him. He had another girlfriend at the same time. SHe and I used to go round and round until one day I finally gave him to her when I found out that he was engaged to BOTH of us. Not kidding he must have got a two for one deal on the rings. They were exactly the same. The day I left him he told me right in front of her that he loved me more but he was with her cuase he felt bad for her. I can laugh about it now but back then it felt like my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. I gave him everything I had and he gave me nothing. I still hear about him to this day and he is still with her. But there is a new Me. HE is doing the same thing still.
Please do yourself a favor and get rid of him as quickly as possible. He will do this for the rest of your life if you let him... Believe me I lived it. I was with mine for 4 years. If you want to chat let me know. I really do know how you feel.
GR
Re: I must be an idiot edgecombe: Thanks so much for all the kind words and advice. Even though I'm sitting at work crying, I feel that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter and closer. It helps immensely to know that others have gone through this and come out of it just fine. The site about Narcissitic personality disorder really hit home as well. I know what I need to do, and I think I have the strength to do it for good this time.
