Re: Guess it's finally going to happen...in need of words of encouragement.
Are you SURE that you are ready for it to end?
Is this your decision or hers? Both?
By "not good" is there something specific? Is there some significantly difference between you that after 11 years you can't work things out?
[quote author=solros link=topic=15103.msg126898#msg126898 date=1121380967">
...why, at 32, do I feel like I'm going to be old and alone?
[/quote">
OK, on this question of yours...I've got really bad news. Take a deep breath. If you do this, you are going to be 32 and alone.
Not forever, of course, but it's going to take awhile before you get back out there. Even if you feel like you've been preparing for this "inevitable" for the last two years, there is still bound to be a period of recovery.
I hope you can find a way to work things out without it ending, but if you need advice and a space to speak, OJAR is the right place. Welcome.
Re: Guess it's finally going to happen...in need of words of encouragement. solros: [quote"> Are you SURE that you are ready for it to end?[/quote">
99.9% after our talk today...
[quote"> Is this your decision or hers? Both?[/quote">
more hers than mine, but I feel we both know deep down it's not going to work out.
[quote"> Is there some significantly difference between you that after 11 years you can't work things out?[/quote">
there are so many differences you cant count them. we are as completely opposite as two people can be. so over time these differences have pushed us further and further apart until here we are.
This is probably what people call irreconcilable differences...
I don't know what I would call what I feel right now. I'm nervous about what's going to happen but at the same time I'm not wracked with sadness. I have felt for so long that she just doesn't love me that I almost feel a sense of relief that I may be able to find someone that does. I really would like to see things work out, but if they don't I'll move on. Does that make me sound like a bad person?
Guess it's finally going to happen...in need of words of encouragement. solros: Hi everyone, just found this place today and it looked like a place for advice. I'm about to hit 32 and have been married for 6 years, however I've been with my wife for 11 years. Things overall have not been good for a couple of years but we've always trudged through. Now it looks like it's finally coming to an end. This isn't a sudden shock, I've felt that this was coming for a long time...just postponing the inevitable I guess. So, now that it seems that I'm going to be moving on alone...what do I do? I haven't been single for 11 years...why, at 32, do I feel like I'm going to be old and alone? What did you do when the time finally came?
Re: Guess it's finally going to happen...in need of words of encouragement. getting_rough: I am really sorry that you have to go through this. I just wanted to let you know that. I am not the best person to respond it has only been one month for me. I am feeling okay about it at the moment but there are up days and down days. Things will work out in the end. Keep your spirits up and keep posting. Thats what everyone hear usually tells me.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Re: Guess it's finally going to happen...in need of words of encouragement. acidflask: [quote author=solros link=topic=15103.msg126933#msg126933 date=1121384976">
[quote"> Does that make me sound like a bad person?
[/quote">
No, actually, it sounds like you are ready. That's all, and there absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Really, the only reason I asked so many questions was not so much to persuade you. No, really, I promise. I just feel like sometimes its hard to judge exactly what is going on behind the post.
I'm no expert at this of course, (relatively new at it myself) but really even as ready as you are, you should probably prepare for the worse. Friends and family are really great resources to fend of the lonely bug, and I've made myself into quite the nuisance as of late. They used to complain they never see me. Hmmm. Haven't heard that lately.
Even if you are lucky enough to spend your time with friends, there will be times when you crave the romatic attention you once had. We just had a cuddle crisis on the board just the other day. It happens. We all understand.
As far as getting back out there: If you think you can jump right back into the game, you might ask for advice from the dating section. Most of us in the Tell Your Story section are still nursing wounds.
Ultimately the standard, and best which is why it is the standard, response is "Take care of yourself." Do what you need to do to make you happy, then everything else starts to line up for you.
Good luck. Let me know if I can help.
