Re: The Battle of Irony Ilosther: Irony is a BIT$H! I spent the best years of my 29 yr life with my wife. I can't begin to understand how I will forget those memories. And I really dont want to forget them or suppress them, but then I think I will have to so I can move on. I guess consider them a nice dream that I had to wake up from. Not a nightmarish end, just that the dream had to end. Just sucks that there are remnants of that dream sprinkled all throughout my life, mainly my son.
I felt the same way, it took my 18 years to find the one, but I really didn't start looking until I was say 16, 17. Mine didn't cheat on me, I feel cheated on, but not in that affair type way. Would I take mine back? In a heartbeat.
But, it seems like a paths in life will have to go in different directions right now. I keep saying, if we move on in life, and at some point in life, we meet up in some destination, and we both find love in each other again, then yes, why not give it a chance?
Re: The Battle of Irony Ilosther: I agree. A court judgement cannot stop me from loving my wife. It may just be in another way that I can love her, but a stupid paper cannot end my love.
I may hate her for ending a life that I loved, but she will always be my friend that I love. It may die down, it may be even stronger, but we also have a child together. We created him with love and he is pure love. I dont think I can ever stop hoping she will love me the way she used to, but for now, it will be about adjusting to this new type of relationship.
Its just funny how life works. The good lord giveth and he taketh. But he still gave us this life, and I guess I should be happy to have found my true love, even if it was to only spend 11 years of my life as a couple.
Re: The Battle of Irony down2basics: [quote author=barelybreathing link=topic=15109.msg127255#msg127255 date=1121442491">
It frustrates me that the population at large expects divorced people to just "get over their ex".
You don't ever get over them. They were a part of you. Of course you are going to have feelings for them. They were your spouse.
Love does not end at divorce. The partnership does. The union between man and wife does.
You can still love her but in a different manner. You can love her as a human being who is struggling to make it through this often baffling world.
BB
[/quote">
Well, very WELL said BB!! Thank you for putting into words something I've been struggling to say off and on on this board for a long time!
d2b
Re: The Battle of Irony mozart101: Divorce is not about forgetting - its about learning. Past memories - good or bad - serve as guides on how to be a happier and better person - and also serve as lessons on what to avoid at all costs. Your wife changed over time and unfortunately you can't change that now. However you hopefully might have gained some insight as to what caused her change of heart and how to avoid that in the future. Of course you can't control everything but at least you will recognize the signs sooner now. I have a lot of good memories and a lot of bad ones but I don't obsess over them. I do think of them from time to time and they have taught me where I went wrong in my priorities and what I will do in the future to make sure that the one I am with will have what it takes to be with me and to want to be with me for a long time. No more compromising on certain traits so if it takes 10 years to find the person that will fit the bill so be it - I know deep down that if I compromise I will only be happy for a short while so why not just stick to the plan and be happy the whole time until I find the correct person. There are billions of people out there so you will never have a shortage of people who will fit most of your criteria and who may tempt you into a relationship thinking hey - they are 85 pct of what I really want - I'm sure I can fix that other 15 pct. Next thing you know its 2 years down the road - that 15 pct is not 50 pct - and things are not working out.
Anyways I am just rambling. Don't forget your ex but learn from that failed relationship. Don't be afraid to do it again - just make the needed adjustments and do what you know is best. Find someone who is passionate about some activity that you are passionate about as well so you always share some time together doing something fun. So often people leave for another person they "work with" because they end up spending so much time together - so make yourself the one your SO "works with" on those activities - you will spend a lot of fun time together and that is priceless.
I'll stop rambling - it's early and I've not slept more than 5 hours a night :o
Good luck
Re: The Battle of Irony Lome: I think you miss something thinking it was only about ego.
I started dating my husband at 19. We have been a couple for 17 years.
It is not ego, so much as he has been a part of my life for now..about half of it.
it is a long investment to just let slide....
Mine is back. I hope it works. he has help to define me as a person.
