Re: Obsessing WhiskeyGirl: Oh Jazzbaby...this is a dilema :o Lets see.....lets get rid of #1...its no good....#2 sounds better but unfortunately its impossible....you cannot just "put away these silly things we call emotions" you can hide them certainly but they wont go away and its not going to hurt any less if said "friend" meets woman of his dreams right? so we have to scratch #2 as well :-\ I'm thinking #3 is your best bet....without the part about him running and hiding though. Just talk to the guy, tell him you are very vulnerable right now and how confused you are, that you arent ready for a relationship but you have these feelings you dont know what to do with. He's your friend, right? I dont think he is going to run from a 10 + yr friendship just because you are confused right now. Talk to him, you'll feel better and if he runs, he wasnt much of a friend to begin with. Good luck girl!
Re: Obsessing jt5639: OK - Just gonna point out that your options include how you think he's going to react/behave, but ya really don't know...
You don't need to ignore your emotions, but you can control how you react to them. You say your not ready, so don't go there...yet. Just enjoy your vacation with someone you enjoy spending time with.
jt
Re: Obsessing whatnext: Chiming in for option 3.
I think that honesty towards yourself is so important ... that's why option 2 won't work... because it's asking you to bottle something up, which is the exact opposite of the healing work you want to do.
I do the same thing: I want X to happen, so I will do the opposite of X so that X will happen, because if I do X, then X will happen (and I'm afraid of X)...
Re: Obsessing HopelessGeek: Well having suffered from something very similar very recently I can say that option 3 will be the best one for you. You are not sure what you want yourself but you also can't judge what he wants.
So you need to clear the air as it were. Now in my situation I found I was given a very odd reaction to me admitting what I was feeling. But it hasn't really hurt the friendship too much, at least not as much as I feared it might. This also came with the added bonus of her knowing what I felt and it setting her mind at ease somewhat cause she could tell 'something' was up.
Something I was told that night "If the person is a good enough friend then they will accept what you have to say, even if you don't get the answer you might want"
Obsessing JazzBaby: I just posted this in my blog, and figured I'd add it here too. It initially was just written to help me sort things out, but any input would be appreciated...teensy bit o' background: have been planning a trip w/ a friend who happens to be a guy; we've been friends since high school, but since we're both currently single, we've spent a lot of time together recently, and I'm starting to develop something of a crush.
"So anyway, our trip is set for the last weekend in August. And we're not getting separate rooms after all. As with everything lately, I'm not sure how I feel about that.
We were discussing said trip, and he just said that he didn't see the point of separate rooms. Separate beds, yes -- rooms, no. We're going to be busy all day, tired at night, and it's just more economical. For the last 10+ years, we've managed to keep our hands off each other. I'm nearly 30 and he's older than me, so we're both grown-up adult-type people. To be honest, this is a relief as I was starting to think about backing out due to the cost of a hotel room for 3 nights. But still....
If I let myself, I could fall hard for this guy. I don't want to be falling hard for anyone right now. I'm certain that I'm not in any kind of shape for a relationship. I'm also certain he isn't interested in anything more than friendship. Oh good Lord, who am I kidding? I'm TERRIFIED of having sex again...as much as I miss it! I don't want to be vulnerable right now...I'm just starting to feel like a normal person again.
Here are the options as I see 'em:
1. I allow my crush to grow into full-blown stalker-type obsession. He takes the bait. We start to date, and I (too late) come face-to-face with the realization that I have too many hang-ups and I screw it all up. (Hey -- just going from past experience here.)
2. I listen to what little bit of me is still capable of rationalization and I put away those silly things we like to call emotions. Maintain friendship, have lots of fun. Must keep dirty fantasies to myself.
3. This is the scary one for me. I don't control emotions, tell him exactly what I'm thinking, and he goes into hiding for unspecified period of time. I lose a wonderful friend, and my ego takes another brutal beating.
I feel completely silly over this. I need answers, and I need 'em RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW!"
