Holiday Crisis brynne: Need some good advice:
Here's my dilemma:
I will be attending several holiday parties, alone of course, divorce should be final w/in the next week. The problem is, what do I tell people who don't know what's going on ? I have a work party coming up & most everyone knows my spouse & I'm sure will be asking. Should I lie & just say he coudn't make it ? But then I'm sure I'll get well, how's he doing ? what are you guys up to ? I'm worried my lie will just turn into more lies for me to make up. My office party is my biggest dilemma.
But if I tell everyone we are divorcing, I'm afraid I'll get looks of sympathy & their reaction of shock & I'm so sorry actually makes me very sad & emotional.
What have others in this situation done or what are you planning to say at holiday get-togethers ???
Need advice soon, party is Dec. 5th
Thanks for your response -
Hope
Re:Holiday Crisis niceguy: My divorce is going to be final very soon too. I was holding back up till very recently telling very many people. I guess part of me was thinking if I told a lot of people then if my wife and I did work things out I didn't want to explain. Well now I know nothing is going to change so if the question comes up and I feel ok at the moment I just tell people. It turns out most people don't ask for very many details. If they do start to ask too many questions for my comfort level I just become very vague. Like well things just didn't work out..etc.
Bottom line is whatever makes you comfortable. Maybe you have someone at the party who can run interferance for you. A couple of my friends do that for me from time to time. When they can see I've had enough of the conversation they jump in and say "so how about those patriots" or something to change the topic and I make a get away.
I wouldn't worry too much. For the most part people have surprised me with their reactions an support. Good luck :D
Re:Holiday Crisis picadilly: Like Niceguy, I usually tell the truth. If you lie about it, then yes, you may need to add more lies to cover the lie. & there will always be someone there that knows the truth, so they may catch you in the lie & you'll get some funny looks or allot of sympathy from that person since they think your in denial. Lies just compound, just tell them that your getting a divorce & that it just didn't work out. If they ask allot more personal questions just tell them your still not that comfortable talking about it & they will usually understand. Most people will not pity you, but will offer support & empathize with you. Yes they may know your stbx but they may only know him through you. If they know him outside your office, then they may already know your separated. No point in getting caugh in a lie, when the truth will hurt less in the end. They will find out eventually.
Hang tough.
Re:Holiday Crisis galil: This one is an easy one for me to figure out.
First of all, you are going to the party alone >:( second of all the divorce sounds like it is going to happen no matter what and be done soon. Thirdly, what if there is a realy cute single guy there that finds you attractive ;D
If you keep the secret you may miss out on something good. I say let this party be your annoucment to everyone that you are single again and in time on the market so to speak ;D
lies will only bring more lies about. The way I look at it now though is 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. So half the party should have been through one divorce already or at least kow alot of people that have been thru one. I used to think people would look down on me but hey it is just part of the game of life.
Go have fun and keep no lies and act happy as hell as no one wants to be around someone that is depressed. You never know what the party may bring for you. :-\
Re:Holiday Crisis ChristyM: I agree with everyone else. At first, I thought telling people would bring on a lot of "What happened?" or "How could he do that to you?" type of comments. However, I was very suprised when the majority of people say "Oh, I know what that's like, been there, done that". Most people can empathize and you feel better because you can be yourself and not have to worry about who you told what lie. I finally had to realize that most people don't really give a rat's behind if I'm divorced - it's not a sign of failure on my part.
Christy
