Wife cheated with a girl friend, don't know what to do..? Chris101: Didn't know this kind of forum existed, just never really looked before now I guess, anyway thanks in advance for being here.
I guess it started a few months ago when she started hanging around every day with a new girl friend she met at work. They where just going for walks to keep healthy so they would say. They would also talk on the phone some times 2-3 times a night for upwards of two hours. The weekends that where normally spent as a family time now had to include the new friend. For some unexplained reason I had this very uneasy feeling about them and I though it was stupid. I never felt it before with any of her other friends.
To get right to the point I caught her and this friend fooling around one night. They didn't see me and I didn't let on that I knew for a couple days and then confronted her. She tried to say it wasn't really sexual, ya right, it was all just emotional. Maybe some of the females here could shed some light on this because that makes no sense to me. She said that they didn't want to hurt anyone and no one was supposed to find out. She also says she doesn't like girls that way just this one girl because they are so close???I don't get this.
So now she says it was a total mistake and screw up on her part and she doesn't know how it even happened. But the kicker is she doesn't want to leave this so called friend. She has seen her every day since I confronted her. She even just asked me if it was okay to go to her house tonight and watch a movie together, it just floored me.
I tried to leave last night and I just got all the tears, she didn't want to split up, she wants to try and work things out but then pulls this tonight. I really love her and I'm almost willing to do anything to make things work out but I just feel like a door mat right now.
I just don't know how things can work out with us if the friend is still in the picture, its just a constant reminder of what happened.
I'm so confused and hurt, any ideas or comments are greatly appreciated.
:(
Re: Wife cheated with a girl friend, don't know what to do..? Samarra: Hi Chris,
Welcome to OJar.
You don't mention your age...but it seems like your wife might be a little bi-curious.
Experimentation is normal sometimes with young people just learning their sexuality.
Your wife however is supposed to be in a committed relationship with you.
I would treat this no different than I would if it had been a man.
If she wants to work things out with you then she'll have to lose her new "friend"....you saw it with your own eyes right? Just reverse the scene and pretend it was a guy....you'ld put your foot down then....do it now.
I'm sorry to be so blunt...but man or woman...cheating is cheating.
Re: Wife cheated with a girl friend, don't know what to do..? Jack C.: Hello. welcome to ojar.
Ok, let me start out by saying that I know exactly how you feel. My EX wife met a girl that openley addmitted to me that she was bi-sexual. they became good freinds. they sent each other letters and talked on the phone all the time. After a few weeks, my wife came right out and asked me if I'd care if she screwed her! Of course, I said hell no. Well, we got in an argument about the whole thing and she apologized to me for asking such a thing. Well, as time went on, they stayed freinds, and I always felt uneasy when she was arround us. One night this freind broke up with her boyfreind that she was living with and she had nowhere to go so I agreed to let her come stay the night with us. My ex, her freind, and I were all watching a movie together and somehow ended up on the topic of sex. Somehow, I let my wife talk me into having a threesome with her and her freind, BIG MISTAKE!!! I'll admit, it was fun while we were doing our thing, but afterwards I felt like a cheap cheating bastard and I lost a lot of respect for myself and my wife. I also discovered that my wife really liked being with a woman, almost more than being with me! Trust me, you DON'T want to go down that road.
I'm not meaning to be rude or anything, but I'd tell her it's either her or you. If you don't, it will cause you more problems than you want later on. In my book, cheating is cheating no matter if it's with a man or a woman.
Re: Wife cheated with a girl friend, don't know what to do..? AmyMarie1972: Hi,
I agree with the others that it makes no difference if she is with a man or a woman. She says that she is more emotionally involved with this woman. Does she love her?
For the two of you to work this friend really does need to dissapear. Your wife needs to make a decision between her or you. Then I think that maybe the two of you would benefit from seeing a counsellor to try and get things back on track.
Sending you a big hug and wishing you loads of luck
Take care
Amy
Re: Wife cheated with a girl friend, don't know what to do..? Chris101: Thanks a lot for all your comments, sorry I forgot to put all the details on the last post. I am 34 and she is 35 we have been together for 11 years and have two kids 10 and 5.
I hear what you are saying and I agree, when everything first happened I was totally prepared for her to leave(I thought she would). I wanted to stay in our house with the kids, I even asked her to leave last night but she said that she wont give up on us and she couldn't leave her kids. Its so hard to be strong and do the right thing when I have so many feelings for her still.
She knows that I'm ready to give up on us so she started talking about what will happen if we split, here is what she wants. She wants to move into the downstairs rec room area and let me live up stairs so it would be better for the kids. I told her that I couldn't do that and that I wouldn't be able to move on with my life in that situation. Her response was that she didn't want me to move on. She also wanted me to tell everyone that its a mutual split because we aren't getting along anymore. She is so scared of the truth coming out.
Today I want so much to work things out, seems like each day brings a different mood and a change of mind. I wish I could just hate her it would make things so much easier. Do you know this was the first real fight we have had and its outcome may have life altering results, its so hard to believe, still feels like I'm going to wake up.
Thanks again everyone, its really nice to talk to people that have been down this road one way or another.
