can't stop thinking about the future lexi1012: I can't seem to slow down and take things day by day. I haven't even seen my husband since he e-mailed me that he would be moving out (I am far away from home until next week)
I wonder if I will ever meet anyone that will ever come close to him. I can't imagine my heart ever wanting anyone else. My heart has been his for almost 13 years. I think of him building a life with someone else and I will be alone. That person will have the future with him I was supposed to have.
Everyone tells me that time will heal the pain and that I will meet someone else. It's just so scary. I don't want anyone else. I'm 33 and feel like there will never be anyone for me again.
I know that I have to stop wanting him and clinging to the hope that we will get back together - it's pointless. I have to accept it. I just feel like there is this big brick wall in front of me and I can't get around it.
I'm sick of crying and being sad.
Does anyone ever have a happy ending? Can you find love again? I know people do, but I don't feel like it will ever happen for me.
Re: can't stop thinking about the future Samarra: Hi Lexi,
13 years is a long time to have invested your love in one man.
I loved my xh for 12....I was divorced at the age of 32...unfortunately for me there were no support groups like OJar.
It would have helped me a great deal.
Since my divorce I have not only loved again...but loved more deeply and passionately than I would have ever thought.
Give yourself some time hon...don't look at the end of a realtionship as the end of love...but rather look at it as a learning experience and a time for growth.
No one ever loves in vain...you gave him your love and he did love you back.
It may be over with him....but trust me...you won't be alone for long.
Re: can't stop thinking about the future dgiirl: Hi Lexi,
I'm in the same boat as you :( However, two things have helped me.
1) You dont know what the future will bring. You dont know if things will work out with you or your husband, or if you'll meet someone new or not. For the time being, you have to live in the moment. I read this during my self-help reading stage "If you want to be truely happy, you have to live in the present." I kept repeating that over and over during the really rough times. I would take a second and just look around me and absorb where I was and a smile would automatically come over my face. Noone was there hurting me. I was truely in the moment and appreciating everything i had, even if it was at work in our dirty bathroom lol :)
2) If you're going to think about the future, then start thinking of good things. The rush you get when guys chase you and flirt with you. The rush you get when you meet someone new. The whole rush of being with someone the first time. Everything that made you smile the first time, you get to experience again. Try to picture yourself doing things you've always wanted to do. Taking classes, meeting new people, hanging out and having fun. If you start to visualize all these happy things, you can train yourself to do things that will lead you to those happy things. Sure, my mind makes things more fantastic then they are in real life, but I'm still pursuing activities that will lead me to my ideal life. Since my stbxh has left, I've gone to a few social events where almost everyone was complete strangers (something I was deadly afraid of but challenged my comfortzone and had a great time), travelled to another city for work all by myself (another fear), met up with my friends and had them introduce me with other new friends. I've visited my current city as a tourist all by myself and took tons of pictures (doing anything by myself was a fear). Living alone (fear). Start breaking your comfort zone, challenge your fears and visualize a good happy life for yourself. If you can see it, you will get it.
I wish I could say the emotions will go away. I do believe they will, in time. But they wont go away overnight. Atleast they havent for me. They keep coming back, but they stay around less longer than the last time. Give yourself some time. I've been dealing with this for the last 5+ months, and I can say that the emotions are not nearly as intense as the first day.
Re: can't stop thinking about the future lexi1012: thank you for your support. I know I have to take it day by day even hour by hour. I get to far ahead of myself and start to panic. I will keeping reading your words and they will give me strength.
Erin
Re: can't stop thinking about the future Kermie: Lexi, I'm 33 to and was with my stbxw for 14 years. I know exactly how you feel. Its hard to think of going it alone and going through the whole process of getting to know someone all over again, but look at it this way. Do you read the same book over and over again, corse not sometimes you like to pick up a new one and get caught up in a new adventure. And alot of times you think well this new book will never be as good as the old one. But once you start reading you may just find you like it better. You will never forget what you learned from the old book and you will take it with you always. You have to look at it like you learned something from it. Set it on the shelf and enjoy the new one and who knows the new one may be the never ending novel that keeps us enticed for the rest of our lives. One day I know I will find that book and I'm sure you will to. Smile and go to the bookstore. ;D
