So this is probably unhealthy, right?

So this is probably unhealthy, right? lemondrop: Uggh.  I am afraid to post what I've been thinking because I know you guys will probably give me good advice and I won't want to take it.  But I feel safe posting here so here goes.  I started dating a guy that I think is pretty great.  He's funny and nice *most of the time*.  But sometimes he has this awful mean streak in him that I just don't understand.  Sometimes he makes really mean comments about my weight (I am perfectly healthy according the weight charts but I admit I would look better if I dropped 10-15 pounds and got down to my super lean body size; right now I get hit on a lot, so I know I'm not hideous to look at or anything, but I don't feel as good as I do when I'm ultra- thin).  Anyway, I guess I am just wondering if I am staying in this relationship for the right reasons or not.  Sometimes I feel really lucky to have found him (we go cool places together, he holds me and tells me he loves me, we laugh a lot and he helps me with so many things) but other times I just feel depressed with him (like when he says things like "Gee - it would be nice if you could take some fat from one place and put it in another" - note: I'm 99.9999% sure that he doesn't mean he would like it if I took some fat from my chest and put it on my hips - lol).  So is this unhealthy?  Or should I just try to lose the 15 pounds and see what happens?  Maybe he will be nicer to me if I do.  Anyone have any good crash diet advice? - lol.  Sometimes this guy is the NICEST guy on the planet... but other times he makes me feel like I'm not good enough.  And if I tell him that the things he is saying are making me feel bad, then he says it's my fault that I feel that way and there isn't anything he can do about that.  I am just not used to being put down so much.  But then sometimes I think I deserve to be treated this way (a little residual self-hatred from the divorce makes me feel unloveable at times I guess).

Anyway, I'm just feeling like a bloated, sack of crap, chunky monkey, beast of a girlfriend and looking for thoughts or comments other than "Run Lemondrop - run! Run! Run! And don't look back!" because there is a part of me that is so happy and feels so lucky to be with him... I just don't know what to do... any thoughts?
Lemondrop
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? tyrogers: It's bothering you.  Otherwise you would not have posted.  Mention it to him and see how he handles it.  That will give you your answer girl. 

;)  Luv ya!  :-*

BBH
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? wpgilbe: A guy point of view...This guy sounds a bit shallow, but maybe you just haven't uncovered that aspect of his personality yet.  You are certainly not obligated to put up with comments like that.  I would certainly tell him directly and bluntly that you don't appreciate his comments and ask why he makes them.  I think that his answer may tell you a lot about him in general.  If he is defensive, evasive, etc about why he says things like that, I would advise you back off and not get too emotionally involved with him.  Whatever it is in his personality that causes him to say hurtful things like that will eventually manifest itself in other ways.  If he appears truly contrite and the comments stop, it sounds like a great relationship.

Patrick
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? WhiskeyGirl: [quote author=lemondrop link=topic=16529.msg139290#msg139290 date=1123095962">
  So is this unhealthy?  Or should I just try to lose the 15 pounds and see what happens?  Maybe he will be nicer to me if I do.  Anyone have any good crash diet advice?
Lemondrop
[/quote">

I dont like your attitude!!  :P what I mean is.....you want to lose some weight so he will be nicer to you ??? So......you are okay with the fact that how he treats you is dependant on your weight or how you look? Gee......what if you end up having kids? how about when your pregnant? I dont like this at all. Dont think that way!!! Next time he says something like that give it right back.....say something like "Yeah, would be nice to add a little more in a certain place to you too.....but we arent all perfect and I love you anyway" Say it in a joking way but it'll get your point across.....mabey he's just kidding around, I dont know but I know I would not feel very safe in a relationship where my SO is only nice to me when I am lookin' HOT, he should love you for you!! The person you are on the inside, not for how you look on the outside, thats pretty shallow. Keep your eyes open, dont let him make you feel less than beautiful!!!
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? lemondrop: [quote author=WhiskeyGirl link=topic=16529.msg139314#msg139314 date=1123097227">
Next time he says something like that give it right back.....[/quote">

You know... I tried this and it backfired... he said something mean to me and then followed it by saying something like "And that's why I push myself so hard at the gym so that I can stay in shape."... to which I responded "well, it's not working so you better start pushing harder."... which was just mean and sarcastic I suppose but I was at my limit with him at that point (I always build him up and find that he likes to slip in these little mean comments followed by an "oops, I'm sorry")... anyway, when I said that to him, he stopped speaking to me for a few hours and was really angry so I wound up apologing for being a jerk... sigh... as I write this, I feel like I sound like the most dysfunctional person in a relationship right now... ugh...

BBH - luv ya too - congrats again to you and Bubba - keep checkin' in.  :  )

Wpgilbe - is he "shallow" - yes - at times... when I first met him I thought he was a bit narcissistic but I was so drawn to that... his confidence just pulled me right in... he is all about looking good and staying in shape (things that I admire and would like to do for myself as well) but sometimes it just feels like he needs a runway model and not an average normal chick for a girlfriend... and he is very defensive about things... I just know that if I talk to him about these things he will somehow make it out to be my fault that I take things the wrong way...

I think maybe I should go and read that book "men are from mars, women are from venus" or something because I think it's just that we communicate in ways that get misunderstood a lot... he can be very loving and kind anf wonderful and usually he calls me his "beautiful girl" and "pretty one"... it's just that every now and then he gets really mean...

And Whiskeygirl - you gave some really good advice... I'm not ok with how he treat sme being dependant on my weight but then I think "no guy wants to date a chick he doesnt like to look at so maybe I should work harder" (i.e. put down the nacho's Lemondrop... step away from the cheetos....)... sigh...