please don't judge me part 2. tenderheart: Alot of you have expressed that you would like more information. I will do my best. Before I go on though I don't need another person telling me how I hurt my husband. This is information that I am well aware of. I hate myself for hurting him. I would also like to ask the person that said they just woke up and the feelings disapeared, are you sure you just haven't blocked them out?
Anyhow, I don't know why I cheated on my husband. All I know is that if I had it to do over again I wouldn't for anything in this world. But I want him back because I do love him. I realize that I had a great husband and I should have worked it out like a mature adult instead of thinking I could go to someone else. How could I violate him? Now he really and truly does not care. I see it in him. He says he cares about me as the childrens mother and thats it. He says he doesn't care who I see or what I do. It does not affect him. He has even put our house up for sale. If he has gone that far, don't you think he is serious. The next step is to file for divorce. I won't do it because I don't want the divorce. I know things will never be the same. But I am not flawless. I wish he could understand that the benefits of working it out are far better than getting a divorce. I deserve a second chance. This is the worst punishment. I don't call him alot, but when I do call he doesn't answer. If he needs to tell me something he either e-mails me or text messages me. I disgust him. I understand. If it were me, I would hate him. The bottom line is I feel like I can't do anything to win. Everything I do is wrong. He checks my cell phone bill to see who I've been talking to. And he thinks I talk to all these other guys. But I don't. He won't let me explain. He doesn't care to let me explain. He says he has not slept with this other girl. He says he wouldn't do that until we are divorced. But he spends a ton of time with her. He is always with her. She is married but separated with two kids as well. I guess he figures they have alot in common. I don't want to beg him because I seem pathetic to him. But I'm scared if I say or do nothing he will continue to move on. I still have a little hope, because we are not divorced yet. But not much. Oh and we had a family trip planned to disney this october and that is gone down the drain. He did come over the other day to hook up my computer for me. We still have sex occasionally, but afterwards he would always leave. I tried to initiate it the last time he was here and he said it is not going to happen. That tore me up. Because I knew as long as we were having sex there was a chance. Now he doesn't even want to have sex with me. That much I don't understand. I don't want to ask him why because I don't want to seem so pathetic not to mention that bruised me ego pretty bad. And I am not conceited or anything but I am a pretty cute chick. He said he will always be attracted to me because I am sexy but he will never love me again. I don't know what to do. I am distraught. I know when you read this it seems like I'm not but if you could talk to me in person you could see how emotional i get. OK I think that's all. Lay it on me.
Re: please don't judge me part 2. alonewith2: kudos to your STBX for moving on. Can I have his phone number so I can ask him how he's been able to be so strong? My STBX and I have had sex occasionally too, but I always feel dirty and ashamed afterward. During it, I'm all into it, and sometimes its the best ever. But afterward, I feel as if he just treated me like all the little sl*ts he cheated on me with. I'm really trying hard to avoid him so that will never happen again. Could your ex give me so advice on how he's been able to do that with you?
Re: please don't judge me part 2. Lumpy: Honestly, all you can do at this point is respect his feelings. I doubt that there's anything you can say that is going to change his mind. Let him know how you feel then back off. Be there for him as much as he will allow. Give him time and space. Don't know what else to tell ya...
Re: please don't judge me part 2. tyrogers: Sorry Tenderheart. No. I did not block them. He cheated on me with his ex-wife, knocked her up, lied about it until the child was born, still lied, then I made him leave. I lost it. No love. Sorry. I have different issues than you do. It's not just cheating in my past relationship. It was much more.
Good luck to you.
BBH
Re: please don't judge me part 2. mophead123: [quote"> I disgust him. I understand. If it were me, I would hate him.[/quote">
If this is how you would feel if you were in his shoes, why would expect him to give you another chance? Would you give you another chance? Why chance getting hurt again?
Make it clear how you feel to him and then walk away. You can't force intimacy on anyone.
Good luck to you!
Mop
