where to go from here

where to go from here inebr: Things on the homefront are not getting any prettier. It seems my husband has dung in his heels pretty good.

There are some things that really scare me about this and it might seem really stupid but if he or I file for divorce, well, our local paper prints divorces and my family including my dear 94 yr old grandma, my friends, my coworkers, everyone will know. I am really scared of that, of people walking down the street and seeing me and judging me and having pity for me, gossiping about me.  Does anyone else fear with this?.  And then the toll it will take on my family. I am going to see my grandma this weekend, she's so feeble and has had so much bad news in the last few years, I'm afraid this might just put her over the edge....  ugh.

What else is going through my mind? Not having a car, struggling to get on my feet financially...

He seems to be completely dumbfounded that I would think I should stay in the apartment and him leave....I wouldn't fight for it. It just seems a little bit of a matter of principal to me, if he is the one that wants out, I just feel that I at that point would have been inconvienenced enough and to pile the big fat pain in the a#* of having to find, and fund, a new apartment would bite the big one.

He is going from being mad to being really depressed and I feel so helpless. He's been sleeping in the living room for almost a week now and each night it seems sadder and sadder.  I don't think he's going to actually file for divorce, I think he is just going to continue to withdraw and become more depressed and resentful.

Tomorrow I have an apointment with a counselor and I am also trying to keep some of my close friends a little bit in the know, not full detail, but at least there is some difficulties.  I don't know if this might take a different direction so I don't want to start being super pessimistic, but it's not looking good.

This whole thing is such a crock o' crap.  I will continue to keep my chin up, take care of myself best I can, do what I need to do for myself.  The counselor session tomorrow will help, maybe I'll hear much that I haven't already thought about, regardless it will be good to sound off someone, and also this site has been great, what a resource we all have here.
Re: where to go from here notmyself: it is not stupid, but you have nothing to be ashamed of.  i remember feeling so terribly bad when things fell apart and were out in the open, like there was some stigma attached to getting a divorce.  but you know what i found out, there is no stigma, no one is judging (and the h*ll with them if someone tries) and i have actually been told that the second marriage is usually better than the first.   ;)  it will work out for the best and you will do fine.  i hope the counselling works out for you.  i have gone twice so far.  i kept our house too, why should i have to find another place and move all of my stuff, etc.  he was the one leaving.  stay if you can, but i must admit i have thought that i would have liked to get an apartment on my own and just have it be mine.  sometimes it can get to me that it was our house, but mostly it was my stuff and i did all of the decorationg anyway.  you will get through this and be fine or like in my case, even better than before.   :)
 Re: where to go from here hurtingverymuch: Hi inebr,

First of all, your local paper does WHAT?  How can they possibly be able to do this?  Why is your personal life on public display (especially during times like these)?  To me this is ludicrous.  What you are going through is bad enough without something like that.  In my opinion, it should be your choice if and when you want people to know.  Granted, you can't stop the gossip, no-one can, but to have this to deal with on top of everything else you are going through ... whew!  Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

I also know what you mean by the toll it takes on family.  Besides everything else that's happening, I also worry about how this is affecting my family both emotionally and physically.  My dad's a worrywort and this whole situation is getting him down just as much as it is me.

I don't know your story but it sounds like he's the one who wants out. Think of you first and take care of yourself.

Believe me counselling does help and it's good to talk to people.  Like I said before in a previous post, this board and all on it have been my lifeline since I registered.  I'm so glad I came across it.

I probably haven't helped much, sorry!  But try to hang in there!  My heart and thoughts are with you.
 Re: where to go from here inebr: hurtingverymuch,

I TOTALLY know what you mean about the paper! Thanks for understanding. It is SUCH crap. It's in there every week, right in the public records section under marriage certificates, births and deaths, and DWIs and police record stuff.  It's unbelieveable and they put it in for a week straight, just to make sure everyone sees it or at least can hear second-hand from someone who has.  I can hear it now ..."did you hear that inebr is getting a divorce?  Can you believe it? They weren't even married a year..."

It really makes me cringe.

I looked into the possibility of this NOT happening but how I understand it is that you have to file where you applied to marry.  I wish I could go to Deleware or somewhere if we do this but I don't think that's not an option.

This might be petty to sweat over this at a time like I'm going through but, hey...
 Re: where to go from here DaisyGarden: Our local paper does the same thing!  >:( I live in a semi small town, and it is embarrassing! I'm also going to look into keeping it out of the paper!  ::)